The blush pink ribbon flutters on the air,peeking through the flying strands of amber honeyed hair.The knot looses strength and is carried away,high into the stark blue skies.
Her feet break into a run upon the dew drenched grass,one hand stretched out to claim the mocking ribbon.Her eyes,the colour of midnight skies,turn into slits of concentrationThe wind slows down,cradling the ribbon closer to her.She takes a little jump.The edge of the ribbon is caught between her fingers,but the silky fabric betrays her,slipping away.Balance is lost and she falls,face down.Her hands break her fall,restraining contact ofher face with the soft earth.Warm puffs of air gush out of he pink,chapped lips.The flush of her cheeks radiate the colour of the fugitive ribbon.She hold her head up,high against the mellow sun.Squinting through the waves that curtain her face she tries to catch a last glimpse of the ribbon.
A hand blocks the sun,gesturing assistance.Annoyance crinkles between her brows.She pulls herself to her feet.Her hands brushing rigorously at the mild dirt stains,ignoring the towering figure shadowing her slender form.
He looks down at the feminine figure before him.Amusement and irritation swirl in equal parts at the sight of the tousled amber hair.His eyes capture her in relunctant wonder:the white day dress of lace and cotton bruised with dirt marks,and bare feet,balancing themselves on pink toesHis silver grey iris focus on her face,but all that meet the eye is a mass of wavy curtain,His finger act instinctively,gently brushing aside the silky mess.She looks up,her brows arched in surprise.He finds himself drinking in the sight of her,despite his disapproving countenance.The blues of her iris draw him in,like the waters of the mediterranean in the dark of the night,deep and forbidding,yet soothing and warm.The flush of her ivory skin,radiating a warm glow,the imperfect curve of her lips-to full in the bottom,too pink at the top.Her hair,uncountable shades of reddish amber to honeyed brown,with lighter streak visible through the heavy,waist length waves.His lips twitch as his eyes fall on he sumdge on her nose,small and adorable,as if childhood innocence has left it's permanent marks on this little feature.The air around her dances with a subtle perfume,sweet and exotic,playing with his senses.
She pushes his hand aside,qite abruptly,as if his touch has burned her.Gathering her mass of skirts she heads for the oppsite direction,half running,half walking.Turing around,her eyes settle on his with a wonderment,confusion and annoyance.And then she was gone.A fading prick of white in the distant horizan.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this is a decent place to start here, although I will say that at first glance there are a few places that need fixing up in this piece. The premise here does seem fairly interesting although said premise is a bit vaguer than most.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh, this is a powerful entrance scene there. There's a lot of focus on this ribbon and it somehow seems mysterious as you go on there. Its a very unique start that I haven't seen before in a story and well, it definitely does a very good job of getting my attention here.
Hmm....well, this is an interesting choice of POV too. It seems to be for a second in the girl's perspective with third person, but then the bit after that suggests this is an omniscient narrator...so uhh, that is a bit odd, but so far, this has been a pretty intriguing start here.
Okay...well that one went on for a bit too long. The ribbon description was exciting and interesting cause it was different and it tried to tell something to us readers, but here we just go into what I think is a little bit too much detail just to describe these two people here and I don't think it does much for readers, cause it tells us only a little bit about them and kind of messes up the flow this established with that opening chapter.
Well this comes to an interesting conclusion there, giving us what appears to be a bit of a cliffhanger, but it does also seems to sort of come out nowhere. We're given almost no context there and it kind of ends a little too abruptly. Its not a bad way to end, but it can be improved here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a decent place to start things off here. It has a pretty interesting premise going on here, although I think there needs to be a bit of streamlining done before this can really reach full potential here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry