Published July 3, 2011
That dark, grim door mocks me as I sit here. It’s contemplating over which memory will be the next weapon. As the victim of this brutal attack, I can do nothing. Nobody knows what goes on inside of my head. Nobody knows that gloomy door is my worst enemy. And my worst fear.
The only time the door is approached is to throw something new away. Something new that I don’t want to ever think of again. And they stay behind the gloomy door for a while. Until I tumble, crash and burn. The door just kicks me when I’m down repeatedly, and wont let me get back up.
My arms are outstretched for someone to grab them, and pull me away. For someone to get me away from this somber state that I’m in. But there’s nobody there to pull me away. So the door goes on kicking. And I go on reaching.
There’s no way for me to get up and shut the door. Things are spilling out of it, and depression slowly washes over me. The memories tumble upon me and my body can’t take it. I can’t go on. The door just keeps going on with it’s attack. And I am hopeless.
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
It wasn't exactly about changes, though I can see where you would see that.
Some of the corrections that you happened to have made were defeating the purpose of the way that the sentences were written. Some of them were written that way for a purpose that is truly hard to explain. Though I do thank you for some of them, and I will change them.
I noticed that one or two of them were due to a mere typo. :3
And I figured that most people wouldn't understand it.
I actually wrote it intending to just get my thoughts and feelings down.
I just posted it up for the heck of it. XD
I only think of it as a door when my memories that I pushed back from my depression days come back and haunt me.
Normally, I'm a very happy person.
It was just one of those off days. :3
This is a pretty accurate depiction of what I believe depression to be like, except I never thought of it as a door. I think of it being like you fell through a trapdoor into another life below, and you're drowning there, the overwhelming pressure of the deep breaking you into pieces.
On that pleasant note, I will end this review before I scare someone.
Keep Writing,
Bel
changes/corrections
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While this is intriguing, I would suggest revising quite a bit because your sentences are confusing. I really don't understand a lot of what you were trying to convey. Remember, the readers can't just look inside your head; we don't know what you're talking about unless you give us clear information.
Still, there's a good sense of darkness and mystery here, and it's pretty well written.
Deep stuff! If I interpreted the meaning correctly, I agree that sometimes change can be overwhelming in every way. I really like your work here, because I think it's something a lot of people can relate to. I have no criticism on this one. Keep up the great work!