Published March 13, 2011
hey, I'm a little out of practice so please be brutal 
I clench my fists
Tight,
As you whisper my new name
‘Bitch’
It was just one night
I tell her,
I tell myself,
The lie shines in my eyes
Another name now haunts me,
‘Slut’
I shut
My eyes to the world.
The world is dark, empty.
No-one to hold on to.
So quick,
Reach out for it!
There’s nothing to hold me back!
So quick,
The white specks fall,
My mouth opens,
My mouth shuts.
The world is dark and empty.
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,384 Reviews
I liked this poem. I agree that this could be the basis for a better and more deep poem. The idea and theme is good. Add more imagery, less...I don't know...conciousness. And the punctuation weirded me out, you should look over it.
Good job,
Emmy
I thought this was pretty interesting, but I feel as though you could definitely add a lot more. Maybe help explain why she has the names she's been given, for starters.
it isn't actually supposed to be a rhyming poem and any rhyme done was not supposed to have an effect at all, but thanks anyway
also the lack of punctuation in some places is on purpose but i can see that it doesn't work in some places so i will review it 
cheers!
I see an attempt at making a fancy rhythm, but It did not work out quite well. Sure, it was a good poem, but the rhythm did more harm than it did good. Also, there is a lack of punctuation in the first two stanzas, but there is punctuation in the second.
Good job.
-WU