The years drag their slow, silent feet
Across the passage of time.
Soon again, churlish souls slip on sleet,
While bright carolling bells chime.
First snow, that crisp castor sugar, turns
To grey, squeaking slush; under
The wintry blue sky, who yearns and yearns
For the sun and its wonders.
Well, it really does irritate me
When the grey slush sprays on shoes
And ironed pants with undisguised glee ---
I’d sheet them, but it’s no use.
I’d slip on the sidewalks just the same.
Small puffs of snow would be blown
Away, illumined by slight flames
In lamplights which on flowers shone.
Those luminescent lights remind me
Of times when my siblings and I
Crowd around the hearth, not Christmas trees,
And watched the blazing ashes fly.
With cups of hot cocoa in our hands,
We would whisper secret hopes
For presents that were smashing and grand,
While bundled in warm bathrobes.
Once, we were impervious to the cold ---
Who cared about stinging cheeks or
Old Man Winter nipping on your nose?
Soon we’d have hot milk galore.
But as delicate flakes drift and fly,
Chestnuts were roasted no more;
And when we left our nests for the sky
Jack Frost’s pranks were but ignored.
The winter air, laced with wistfulness,
Intoxicates me. Pity
The snow had buried Saint Nicholas
With our snow angels weary.
But when
she snuggles into my chest
And the blaze chortles in vain,
I feel blessed, for I could not have guessed
I chanced on Christmas again.
Excellent. Truly excellent. You have a wonderful style of writing poetry and this flows fantastically!! I loved this so much! I really enjoyed it. I don't have any suggestions (sorry) because I think you did a wonderful job with this. Keep up the good work and keep writing!
Arghhhh!
And I thought I could write.
Wow is all I can say. I'm.. speechless. this is just so good. I don't have any favorite stanza I loved them all!! You obviously took time to edit as there were no grammatical errors!! YOUR A TRUE WRITER HUN!
Pm me any time to read your work. I'd be happy too. My pleasure..
*I feel like a cheese puff* xD
Merry easter!
*DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT/HOW/WHY I DO THAT. I GUESS ITS A TRADITION NOW BEING XMAS AN ALL.*
Kaka
Keep wrting!!! xxxxxxx
Thank you all for the kind reviews!
Iceprincess! Sporks here for a fantastic, swashbuckling, ace review. Or something like that.
I have to say before I get into obscure things, that I truly like this poem. And the photo above---everything I love about winter! Your rhythm and flow are done masterfully, the imagery is lovely, and overall the poem leaves one with that warm, squishy feeling so common at Christmastime. Anyway, onto any criticisms I may have.
Honestly, this line stuck out as a bit...weird. It doesn't fit with the tone of your poem. I think you could change the phrasing of "annoys the hell out of" and fix it. Like, don't use a colloquialism, since no other part of your poem uses such informal language.
You really don't need to capitalize every line. This is more just me being picky, but still.
I'm not sure what you're trying to convey here. Maybe an image of a time when flowers grew rather than snow being blown around? If that's the case, you kind of end the image there...making it stick out, but not in a good way.
That's all I could find to critique. This poem is so, so good, iceprincess! I'd pick a stanza that was my favorite, but I don't have a particular one. I think, though, the shift from wintry imagery to blazing fire has to be my favorite part, because it was a great transition!
This was wonderful! Keep Writing
Sporky!
I like your writing style, especially when it paints a vivid picture in my head. I especially like the bit about the hearth and the warm cocoa; it contrasts the cold with the heat amazingly well and also reflects on personality, and how people change. If some of the earlier bits were made more clear, the poem would be improved. Overall, 8/10. Great.
You are awesome. Your rhythm is elite, your imagery, your vocabulary, your voice. What a unique poem about Christmas. I find it hardly lacking in most everything. You write beautifully!
Hello!
Fantastic poem! I could only wish that I was that good! This has got to be my favorite stanza:
You captured what snow is in the best way any writer could. Very well written!
I agree with everything said here and theres no reason to repeat it
Hello,
This poem is fantastic! The way that you can get so much meaning out of everyday winter things is incredible. You are a very talented writer! I think this is my favourite stanza:
"But as delicate flakes drift and fly,
Chestnuts were roasted no more;
And when we left our nests for the sky
Jack Frost’s pranks were but ignored."
You are a exceptional writer and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep Writing XxX