Published June 12, 2010
"Good night moon," he uttered as he closed his bedroom window.
Sam found his bible on his bed, read a chapter from the book of Proverbs and prayed. It was his routine before sleep.
"Tomorrow will be a busy day." he thought.
"I am wondering what Rye is doing right now," Sam thought of his friend who was out of town, "I hope they're safe."
Rye Vasquez was one of Sam's best buddies. He was lived in the next street from where Sam lived. He went to a vacation yesterday with his family. He just graduated from high school and thought of going to the same school where Sam attends.
The clock's hands pointed at one thirty in the morning, as Sam shut his eyes to sleep. The moon, together with the sparkling stars was smiling from the window pane, watching the boy who fell on a deep sleep.
His mobile phone alarmed at six in the morning.
"Okay.. just give me five minutes," he pleaded as he stretched his lean arms and legs;
"Thank God for this day," he said and opened his eyes.
The rays of the sun shone through the window, greeted him a good morning.
"Summer is here, I can feel it!" he exclaimed with a big smile and rushed finding his mobile phone.
He browsed the Inbox of his phone, looked for a certain message.
A text message read:
Good morning bro!
So far, this out-of-town thing is good.
We had fun last night.
It was a text message from his friend, Rye. Yet that was not the message he was looking for.
A text message from an unknown number appeared on the Inbox list, said:
Hi, this is Janna.
I am one of the high school students from Shiloh High.
Just want say hi from me and my friends. 
His cheeks turned red and made an outstanding smile as he read again the message from the unknown number. He immediately saved Janna's number on the Contacts of his phone and forgot about the text message that he was looking for. That smile remained on his face as he rushed down the stairs and looked for his mom.
"Mama, is breakfast ready?" he asked.
He went to the dining room and found a plate of pancakes with maple syrup on top. A note was beside the plate which read,
Sam,
I went out to get some groceries.
Here's your breakfast. Just make your coffee and make sure to lock the door when you leave.
Just give me a call if you need anything:
Mama
"Thanks Mama," he said.
(Reviews needed. Thanks!)
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Heya!
Me again!
I'm finding it kind of weird how he's talking to himself...
You didn't need the first comma here. I did like the description of the moon and the stars though, that was nice.
Yeah... this whole talking to himself thing is a bit creepy. Mind you, if you keep it up and make it quirky, it could actually be rather interesting. It could be one of your MC's personality traits. Unless that's what you're already thinking?
Yeah... the talking to himself thing seems creepier here...
Overall
I'm not entirely sure what to make of this. I'm not sure whether I like Sam's character or not, so far. I found it kind of weird how he was talking to himself out loud. What I do think though is that you could turn it into something quirky about his personality, the whole talking to himself thing. That would actually be a hard thing to achieve though, to be honest. The best thing to do, I think, is to maybe make him think those things and not say them. If you do that, Sam might not seem quite as weird. Your grammar also lacked a bit in this chapter, unlike the prologue where I thought that your grammar was rather good. Your spelling was still impressive though.
To be honest my main critique would probably be about the showing and the telling again. I'm not going to repeat that though because I've already advised on that in the first review. I will mention another critique that I have for you, though. That critique is the fact that the prologue to this doesn't seem to have much of a connection at all with the first chapter. I'm aware that a lot of prologue's are set in a different time and place compare to the rest of the story or the beginning of the story. I just found that your prologue didn't really fit very well with the first chapter. I don't really know why, it just didn't flow well into the next chapter. That's what I think, anyway. If you take my advice on the prologue though and edit it, I don't think that it will be such a problem. I especially don't think that it will be so much of a problem if you take my advice on this chapter and edit it up a bit.
I don't really have much else to say about this. Anything else that I would say has already been said by other reviewers, I think. Like I said in the prologue, all that you need to do is to take into account what us reviewers have said and consider editing these pieces of writing a bit. I can see this shaping up into a pretty good story if you do it well.
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
Hey there jemo. I'm back to do the second part like you asked. All of my comments and corrections will be in pink.
All in all,
I still don't know what to think of this story. I don't see how this part connects to the previous part. I don't see the relevancy of anything that's happening in the story so far at all. To be totally honest, I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with this story. There's nothing for me to really say about this.
PM me if you have any questions.
Always,
~Danie
Well, lots of things you did annoyed me. How he called his mom mama, how you repeated information, and how he talked to himself. He also seemed like a morning person, and he only got like 5 hours of sleep ..... But, besides that it was great. It was kind of short for a chapter.
Hey, I really enjoyed this chapter. Your descriptions of his routine helped readers understand more about him then that he is a boy who goes to a coffee shop.
I loved this part, but maybe instead of it being 'watching the boy who fell on a deep sleep' to 'watching the boy as he fell into a deep sleep'. And maybe you should explain why he was up at 1:30 in the morning.
What message was he looking for?
I hope this helped a bit.
Hey, Jem...
I love what's happening in your story, I love the way you describe things, and I love the way he has the same routine as me before he go to sleep. Keep it on, cause this story rocks! 
I would NOT change anything.