Published June 9, 2010
One no ordinary rainy midnight...
There is a no ordinary man wandering on a no ordinary street.
He said,
" This night reminds me
Of that calm and dark one..
Of your departure..
Of the time of my death.
You had taken my heart
That only beats and keeps
The sound of my happiness..
An empty mind left here
Can’t think of a certain cause
For you to push me away..
From your arms..
From my home.
And now I am lost..
A great intense of silence…
Making me hear your absence…
And it takes me all-out.
There’s nothing can convene
The pieces that complete me..
Pieces that will mend me
And help me to be free..
From this curse momentum..
From this worst scenario.
To run away..
That is all I want..
But how can I?
Now that I am here…
No life at all… "
7 years later
With his eyes wide shut he uttered,
" As this still night
Keeps on going..
Here I am
Ceaselessly holding
An angstful but sojourn soul in me
Wooing and waiting
For someone to muster me..
In just a quirk of fate
You came up, warily..
As if the sun had ascended
Straightway from the horizon
And spread those rays of light..
Inside this dark, almost deserted night..
And my nightmare is over!
I am certain that it is..
I know what Im feeling
A new life you’re giving…
A brand new me..
with a brand new heart.
A brand new life..
in a brand new home..
All of this
I have found..
In YOU... "
to be continued.
(Comments please. 
)
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Okay, first of all, "no ordinary" anything is grammatically incorrect. Whoever taught you that that wording was correct should be slapped upside the head a few dozen times. It makes absolutely no sense and makes you sound like a couple idiot.
Second, the rest of it was alright! I'm glad to say that I don't have to rip on anything else really. The piece had a nice flow to it, though I have to agree with ireylcandence that it was really dull and lifeless. There's nothing to keep me reading besides my curiosity towards poetry as a whole. Beef it up, buddy.
Oh, and "eyes wide shut" doesn't make any sense at all.
Cheers and hope for more!
~Horseradish
First things first, the second line is grammatically incorrect. You might want to replace "no ordinary" with "unordinary" or something of the like.
Second, though the poem itself flowed very well and was smooth to read, I found myself wanting to just skim. There's nothing to draw the reader in. Perhaps delve in a bit more with imagery, use " non-ordinary" phrases to catch our attention and to seperate this from all the other poems in the world.
From the way you wrote this, I definitely think you have the ability to write very well. This poem just needs a bit of editing.
I really do not like "no ordinary". It just reads awkwardly, and there are number of perfectly serviceable words that mean the exact same thing. In addition, it really confused me when I read the first line, and for a while there, I wasn't sure if you'd meant "on" instead of "one". You have a couple of other not-quite-correctly used words scattered throughout, as well.
Something else that irritated me was the punctuation. You have a lot of ".." which makes me wonder if you'd even proofread this before posting as it seems like most times you'd intended "..." instead. In addition, there's almost no variety in the punctuation, which gives this poem a monotonous feel.
Another thing that kept jerking me out of the poem was the inconsistent rhyming. Some lines rhyme. Others don't. It's confusing and breaks up the flow.
Overall, I was too distracted by the punctuation and inconsistent rhyme to really read and enjoy this poem.
You're a great writer! I love this, it's amazing. I just found one error... you wrote wandering instead of wondering!! But that's all!! KeEp It oN!!