would you cry?

Let me ask you this, my dear:
Would you let me fall
Into the dark and fade away?
Would you care at all?

Would you call out,
Scream, or shout?
Would you even try
To bring back what
You used to love?
I wonder-
Would you cry?

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Wed Aug 22, 2007 9:17 pm

My first impression of this is I like it but there's room for improvement. There again, when isn't there?

Again, a very simple poem and you should probably add more imagery and extend it because at the moment, it makes the reader think but it's very impersonal. Try to bring the emotions out more so that the reader can feel the hurt and betrayal that the persona does and don't use too many rhetorical questions. One or two can be effective but if every sentence is a question, it loses that effect and the reader loses interest.

Overall, I like the idea and you have a nice structure. With a little work this could be even better though.



"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar