Published September 12, 2007
Shattered glass and screaming,
and so many people
searching for the exit.
Panic-stricken faces
fill the streets of New York.
Heroes in many forms
shape history today,
but at a high cost-
This could be
their final stand.
The roar of a million crowds
screams out for years of work...
all destroyed.
All gone.
Collapsed are souls and buildings.
Those too stunned to speak
feel emotions that words can't say.
The dark cloud that has settled
embodies fear and rage.
The beat of the city is
interrupted,
corrupted,
hushed,
silenced.
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140,546 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
this should be "those too stunned to speak".
I like the last stanza the best. The rest was okay, but I agree with Claudette that you could do better.
I really liked this. You don't see many people writing about things like this these days, and I thought the way you portrayed it was pretty good too.
"Heroes in many forms
shape history today,
but at a high cost-
This could be
their final stand."
This stanza was my favorite. Many people died that day, most trying to help get those people out of the towers. Thanks for writing about this subject.
In the last stanza I think you should use commas instead of semicolons.
That was the only stanza I liked. Everything was telling, and it was telling me something I already knew, too... If you're going to write about something like this, try to present it differently, bring out the emotions MORE than just "Souls were collapsed" this doesn't evoke an emotion from me in the least bit. You'll have to use a lot more imagery and sensory words to bring out emotions, too.
It's OK, but it could be a lot better.
Best of luck.
*grins and then remembers what the poem was about and then sighs*
^what a long action that was...
Anyways, thanks for the encouragement. 9/11 was a terrible day for all of America. I as a second grader had no idea what was going on, of course, but I came home and my parents were really upset and... *sigh.* Anyhow, what went down was bad.
Not much to say after that... except that it's beautiful. I don't think America will ever forget 9/11, nor should they.
I really liked this poem and i think that you got through alot of emotion. The words you use are fantastic and the way that it is written is amazing.
The last four lines are brilliant and finish the poem nicely.
Good job!
the last four lines are excellent
and I got what you were talking about, which is a good thing