I Was A Teenage Bus-Rider

by iQuippie

Published October 6, 2007

written on the school bus, on the way home from... school


The growling Beast
threatens to combust.
We could all be DOA,
victims of a yellow death;
mixed expressions of unsuspecting children.
I guess you could call it
a near-death experience.

The Beast comes to a halt,
its padded feet screeching
on the pavement of
a monstrous buffet.
The fumes might be getting to me,
but isn't that a hole in the sky?

Forget the picture-perfect dreams
the future used to hold--
our shiny metal beasts
will make sure
that the hopes and dreams of yesterday
will be gone by tomorrow.

Comments & reviews · 6
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lin night
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lin night commented Comment · Oct 15, 2007

iQuippie wrote:The fumes might be getting to me,
but isn't that a hole in the sky?


Love this.

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Lindsaroo
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Lindsaroo commented Comment · Oct 14, 2007

woah woah woah woah waoh!

I swear I read this and commented...god I'm losing it. >.<

Anyhars, this is really cute, Qui. In a "Yellow Bus Monster" kind of way. lol

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iQuippie
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iQuippie commented Comment · Oct 6, 2007

chocoholic wrote:Haha! Loved it, it was so funny.

victims of a yellow death


Does this mean the bus crashes, or it takes them to school and school is boring?

that the hopes and dreams of yesterday
will be gone by tomorrow


Like, you have to go back to school again? Sigh... my hols finish soon.

You should fix up the spelling and grammar and formatting, but apart from that it was really funny.



XD I'm glad you liked it. The yellow death part was going through my mind as a bus crashing into another "shiny metal beast". But I kinda like your second idea better. :)

Thanks for the critiques, guys.

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Twit
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Twit commented Comment · Oct 6, 2007

Good, but I didn't quite get the last stanza. Maybe that's because I'm stupid. :razz:

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chocoholic
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chocoholic wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2007

Haha! Loved it, it was so funny.

victims of a yellow death


Does this mean the bus crashes, or it takes them to school and school is boring?

that the hopes and dreams of yesterday
will be gone by tomorrow


Like, you have to go back to school again? Sigh... my hols finish soon.

You should fix up the spelling and grammar and formatting, but apart from that it was really funny.

User avatar
Frederick101
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Frederick101 commented Comment · Oct 6, 2007

really good, even though i ain't that big a poetry fan. I like the idea. Nice work!



Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus