Published August 23, 2007
Annabell, oh Annabell
How I wish that you could tell,
Tell us what is wrong, my dear.
Don't let the end come near.
Softly fading Annabell,
Do you know my spirits fell
That day they told me you had died?
Do you know that I cried?
Now beautiful, sweet Annabell,
You went to Heaven, left me Hell.
But though you may have had to go,
You're better now, I know.
---The real Annabell was a family cat of ours. She died in 2005, but she lives on in my heart and in my mind.--
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Oh...does it have to be Annabell of all names? When I read this I was thinking, "Annabell Lee". [EAP]. It's a slight disappointment. To improve, I'd try to remove any repetitiveness, such as in S1.
To know this is written about a cat seems sweet, but the poem seems more than that. It's real simple, but I kind of like it for that...
Like Jasmine said, there really isn't anything wrong with it, and because of that I'm not sure what to say to fix it up. Sorry I can't be of more help!
This isn't overly original, but, if I put that to one side, there isn't really anything majorly wrong with this.
For the sake of experimentation, I'd suggest rewriting this, using imagery (not the available images, mind. They're the ones which come to you straight away, and should usually be ignored).If you were to keep this draft,
I would rewrite the last of every verse, as they are too short. E.g:
"Do not let the end come near."
"Do you know how hard I cried?"
And the last one, I just can't think of anything for, but I do feel it needs to be altered, so I apologise for my blankness, and I'll leave it with you.
Other than that, your rhyme and enjambment were good, and I liked "Softly fading."