Published October 22, 2007
Scraps of thought,
abstract and meaningless,
vibrant and bold-
so weakly solid that their contradictions make sense-
float amid my mind
and leak out onto the
p
a
g
e.
Musing over nothing
feels like home,
content and dreamy
(much like the pastel yellow of a child's bedroom).
Thoughts delicately dense,
like boots on
s
n
o
w.
Patterns of
a steady beat
replay over in my mind,
the music of an unknown query, crashing waves of ambience;
a beat
for silent
p
o
n
d
e
r
i
n
g.
Note: the last word of each stanza is supposed to slope, but it doesnt show up on here... It ruined my poooooeeemmm!!!
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,498 Literary Works • 674,562 Reviews
Mmmm....
I have to say, this was pretty good. I loved your metaphores and your imagery, and all your connections to homely, childhood objects really made an impact on the way the poem read.
However, your first stanza was not good... I didn't see how it mattered to the poem, and it didn't really make sense. The contradictions part, and the "vibrant and bold", had no link whatsoever.
I'd also like to see some more. Maybe some logical, or practitcal sense of thinking, a stream-of-conciousness, examples from real life that decipt actual mindset. Plus extra metaphores/imagery--they were wonderful.
Overall, I liked this, but it can still be improved.
this was really good, the words do a good job of conveying the feeling of the poem. i can't find anything wrong with it so again, good job!