Is this for a school report? I hope this review doesn't come too late.
Your essay is interesting overall but there are some aspects that could use improving. I notice that you have many quotes throughout your essay. Having quotes is very good in research types essays as it helps prove your point. We have use quotes in moderation though, if you have too little you don’t prove your point and back up your statements, if you use too many they end up dominating your essay. Your essay leans toward the too many quotes type, but if you clean it up a little you should be fine.
One way to clean this up is if you’re writing a MLA paper to just write the last name of the author like this (last). Or if you’re writing a APA paper you would do it like this (Last, page #)
Here’s as site that elaborates more on MLA http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/ and this for APA. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/01/
In your paper the quotes to a lot of the speaking for you, in which your ideas don’t get known and makes the paper weak. Summarize more and when you need to back up a point, use a quote. Don’t use a quote and then explain it, let the quote prove your point.
“ For example “The perforated skull with the pitted brain case yielded up information that agreed very well with the reports of the man in life. It could even describe to me the last hours of the unfortunate farmhand, shunned and alone, stumbling into the swamp in pain, his brain swarming with infection, invaders that gnawed away at his balance, his reason and the very bone that encased his brain,” Says William R. Marples in his novel. He got this from simply investigating the traces of evidence of a deteriorated skull found in a swamp.”
You could tell us what happened in your own words then say that you got the information from the book William R. Marples wrote. Like if I were to write this essay I would put something like this “ Forsentic research helps us understand how they died judging by the damage done to the corpse and/or bones and where it was found. For example William R Marples found from a skull that the man in his las hours was stumbling around a swap, hurting and in pain from an infection in his brain…” Or something along the lines of that. Here's a great website that helps when summarizing and such http://qcpages.qc.cuny.edu/writing/hist ... ation.html
But you have the potential to have a FABOULOUS essay, just clean it up a little bit. It really interests me to hear about the “mysteries” of the bones and maybe you can tell me more about it later. If you have any edits I’ll be glad to look at it again just PM me or something.
~Stella
Points: 2191
Reviews: 24
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