for some one,

Hey Abby, bienvue a YWS! As June said, can you please fulfill the 2:1 review:work policy for us dear?

(btw, my diary's called Abby, so I already like you.)

Okay, I want to know, why the lack of capitals? Are you trying a la e.e cummings? Or is it just you can't be bothered? Me, I'd always capitalize the "i"s at least, but it is a matter of taste I suppose.

for some one who told me , they'd always be there..

you sure did mess up, you sure did me wrong..

Why the double dot? It's not quite a full stop, and it's not quite a dot-dot-dot. Why do it?

i can not believe what we had, is gone.

No need for the comma after had.

for all i want to do right now is cry

I'd get rid of "for" for the sake or rhythm.

so please leave me be , while i get back to being me.

I like this last line!

It's a little bare, in terms of style. What have they done? I think some details -even hints- are always nice -they differentiate your poem from all the others out there.

But overall, it wasn't bad at all. I hope you stick around on YWS!

Hope I helped, and PM me if you have any questions,

-Stella.

Hey there Abby! Welcome to YWS, I'm June and I'm going to be your reviewer today .

We have a 2:1 policy here, which means that for every one piece of work you post, you should have reviewed two pieces of work by someone else. Please review at least two things to make up for this, thanks .

Now let's get to work on your piece, "For someone".

for some i've trusted, for some one who cared.

Okay! "For some i've trusted..." in modern poetry, it's very common to leave off capitalization and punctuation. However, some pronouns just need to be capitalized, like i. Whether you keeping them lowercase or not was intentional or not, they need to be capitalized.
I think when you said "...some..." you meant someone? This part confused me a little until I switched it with "someone" I believe that's what you meant? If so then this should be;

For someone I trusted, for someone who cared,

I added a comma on the end, because you use ellipsis's below, and I'm guessing this poem was supposed to have punctuation. I also capitalized the first letter of the line; you can either leave it uncapitalized or capitalize it. Either way suits.

for some one who told me , they'd always be there..

\

The comma in the middle of the line isn't necessary. You can have it flush as one sentence. The ellipsis on the end is unneeded; you can simply replace that with a comma to make;

For someone who told me they'd always be there,

you sure did mess up, you sure did me wrong..

This line is what makes the two above ones make sense! At first, reading the two first ones, you kind of become confused. When we come to this line, we can see so much in this line; the narrator is talking to some"one", blaming them and letting them know of their mistake. The ellipsis on the end of this isn't necessary again. The ellipsis (...) is seldom used in poetry.

You sure did mess up; you sure did me wrong.

i can not believe what we had, is gone.

Capitalize that I! "i" is simply a letter. "I" is the pronoun you want to use here. The comma isn't necessary in the middle of the line, and you don't need to write out "can not". If you do, it's one word "cannot" but even then I think it looks so much better as a contraction; "can't"

I can't believe what we had is gone,

i wont forget it, i will not try

Capitalize that I! The reason I capitalized the above lines is so that the "I" doesn't stand out since it absolutely has to be capitalized ^_^.

In the previous line, I said "cannot" works better as a contraction. Well, in this line, I think "won't" works better if it's not a contraction. By the way, you spelled it "wont". Wont means like bound, as in "He was bound to hurt himself...". "Won't" is the proper contraction.

I will not forget it; I will not try,

for all i want to do right now is cry

Remember, "I" must always be capitalized! This line is kind of unfitting for the rhythm we were carrying above ^_^. May I reconstruct?

For all I want now is to cry.

so please leave me be , while i get back to being me.

Okay! So, is this meant to be two lines? Or one with a comma in the middle? I can't actually tell, but once again, I spy another uncapitalized "I"! I'm not so sure if this line actually works too well, because you repeat "me" in it. There are plenty of ways you can fix it, but here's a suggestion:

While I find myself, please let me be.


-----------------------------------

Okay! So, overall, I liked the poem alot. It was good-- I'm assuming about a girl who faces the aftermath of a breakup, yes?

I liked the way it was written. It was short, simple and sweet, a perfect way to write a poem. The only issues I had were with the punctuation, and your I's which should remain capitalized at all times. It's like... there's no two ways to spell a certain word with the same letters you know? Remember to keep them capital.

I give it an 8/10!

Brilliant job! Welcome to YWS and keep it up ^_^


June


(Hope I wasn't too harsh on you )