z

Young Writers Society



Make Yourself at Home.

by hyperview


We knew Ms. Hutchinson’s time was up the moment she moved into the complex.

It wasn’t her demeanour that gave it away. After all, she was just a middle-aged woman, no older than forty-five with features that were easily forgettable. The only significant thing about Ms. Hutchinson would’ve been how short she was (plus quite plump), and the way she seemed to walk with an angry duck-like waddle.

She arrived with her young daughter. Most of us suspected she wasn’t really her daughter since Anna (that was her name) was significantly prettier than the woman who supposedly bore her. None of us ever had the heart to ask, however. Besides, we were hell-bent on keeping things in order and as comfortable as possible within the complex.

No, it wasn’t Ms. Hutchinson’s crude features that gave away her end. It was the simple fact that she occupied the apartment right below James, the drummer, who was a likeable man and became one of us the moment he moved in. As he was a recent graduate, we often had to help James in terms of food and whatnot, though he never gave up his dream of becoming a musician. We found that admirable, and therefore never complained about poor James and lived comfortably with him.

When Ms. Hutchinson moved in, James took it upon himself to let her know his profession. “I’m a drummer,” he told her, “and usually practice in my apartment. If it ever gets too loud, don’t be afraid to let me know.” Then he smiled. “We have an order here to maintain comfort. It’s essential we keep it that way.”

Ms. Hutchinson never returned that smile, but still thanked him for letting her know. We wrongfully thought little of that interaction and went on with our lives, assuming that The Order wouldn’t be disrupted with this new addition. Ms. Hutchinson, however, had other plans.

It all began about a week after that initial meeting, specifically when James was at his usual drumming. He provided a soft, consistent beat throughout the complex, which was comforting, but soon the sound of thundering footsteps overpowered the beat of the drums, going up the stairs towards James’s apartment. One of us observed Ms. Hutchinson pounding at his door, face red and writhing as she shrieked for him to keep it down.

When James answered, he looked flustered. Distraught. He apologized many times to the creature that was Ms. Hutchinson and quit drumming that day altogether. The Order was stirred, and we knew we had to do something about it, of course. After all, like James said, it was essential we were comfortable.

We never acted right away, giving it a few months to see if Ms. Hutchinson would become one of us or continue to stand out.

She chose the latter.

And so the following months filled with many complaints against James and his drumming, forcing our steady rhythm from playing four times a week to two to none at all. And even when no beat could be heard, we still caught her unsettling footsteps going up the stairs and banging at his door, creating the disturbance she so despised. It was discomforting to no longer hear that consistent beat, to witness the way our James withdrew from us and The Order. By the time his doorstep filled with white envelopes and yellow warning slips, we knew we had to act.

We were all aware which weekends little Anna went away to her father’s, leaving Ms. Hutchinson alone in her cave. It was essential we acted when she was alone, especially at night in her sleep. We have many skills among us, you see, some that are acceptable in society and some that are not, yet hold the same necessity.

And it was necessary.

The key to acting is to do it in a group, which is what we all did. There is strength in numbers, so once news of Ms. Hutchinson’s disappearance came about, it was only natural we weren’t suspected. We went on with our lives--with our Order--the way we did before we knew of such a creature. Those yellow slips disappeared, and the white envelopes vanished as if they never existed. That consistent dum-dum-dum was back, growing all the more beautiful as time passed.

There is no shame or guilt among us, for we are certain that in due time, she will become just another mystery to the world as she did for us. Forgotten.

After all, we are finally comfortable once again.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 99
Reviews: 3

Donate
Mon Oct 10, 2016 5:19 pm
OnceUponAline wrote a review...



In the world of organizational life, there’s no single discussion that causes so much fear and dread on the boss’s side and so much anger and resentment on the direct report’s side than the performance review.

I had drinks last week with a senior guy who works for a global financial institution, who had just had his year-end performance review a couple of weeks ago. He exploded in anger to me about the experience. “I’ve had it with those guys. They don’t give a s— about any of the work I’ve done in the last 3 years. I’m doing the old jobs of 4 people pre-2008 and they don’t thank me and they just want me to do more. I’m quitting.”

Recommended by Forbes
Top Ten Reasons Why Large Companies Fail To Keep Their Best Talent
The Seven Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful Executives
OracleVoice: Large-Format Printer Streamlines Order And Delivery Processes With Cloud Services

Why Year-End Performance Reviews Don't Matter
MOST POPULAR Photos: The Richest Person In Every State
+125,446 VIEWS Donald Trump's Sniffling Continues, Here Now Are The Possible Causes

“Wait a second,” I said. “In this economy? You’re going to quit over this?”

“Damn right. I can find another job in the next month for what I do. If these guys don’t appreciate me, I’ll go somewhere else.”

Why do almost all performance reviews cause aggravation? Here are the top ten ways you can ensure your next performance with your reports will be a total bomb:

1. Too vague. I love the bosses who have 10 minute performance reviews with their people, usually in the last week of the year — after being harassed 4 times from HR to get them done. The meetings are usually called on the spur of the moment: “Hey Sally, could you stop in my office for a sec?” They’re as brief as possible and give the reports no specific feedback on the work they’ve done in the last year. There’s usually lots of “you’re doing good work” and “keep it up” sprinkled in to the conversation. But how does a report take that as feedback and improve their job performance in the next year? Be specific about what you liked and didn’t like in their performance.

ADVERTISING


2. Everything’s perfect – until it’s not and you’re fired. This reason usually follows #1 . Over the years, I’ve heard lots of complaints from laid off workers who never saw it coming and then are bitter when they are tossed aside because they’re apparently no longer getting the job done. They point to a series of glowing annual performance reviews and then suddenly being called into the boss’s office to be let go. People aren’t usually resentful if they’re laid off because the company is suddenly facing a crisis not of their own making (which isn’t usually the case). However, what drives people up the wall is when it’s clear that the boss has been bothered by some aspect of their performance, but never bothered to mention it to them until the time of their firing. ”A little heads up would have been nice so I could have tried to improve in that area,” said one person I know who went through this experience.

3. Recency effect. This is a psychology term for when we overly focus on the most recent event as the basis for analyzing the entire past year’s performance. So, if you have some mistake happen to you very recently and it ends up being the entire topic of your performance review even if you’ve done a great job the rest of the year, you’ve been a victim of the recency effect. Some bosses seem to have no memory, so they only base their opinions on the most recent events and opinions from others to form their opinion on what’s happening. Plus, the world we live in today, with always on email and Twitter stream updates, makes us even more susceptible to doing this.

4. No preparation. Some bosses like to do these meetings “on the fly.” I knew one boss that would drive around with his sales guys and give them feedback from the passenger seat on long roadtrips. The worst part of this kind of approach is that it typically means the boss hasn’t given any thought to how the report has done in the last year and what they need to do to improve. Even worse are the bosses who simply cut and paste what was on last year’s performance review form to this year’s with minimal if any changes. The message sent to the employee is: “I’m very important and busy. I don’t have time to tell you how I think you’re doing at your job.”

5. They never happen at all or “My people know my door is always open.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve chatted with lazy bosses who use that line: “Oh, my people know I have an open-door policy and they can come to me to talk about anything at any time.” I would say 80% of the time in those cases, if I went to the reports and they answered me honestly, they would say that they typically don’t go to the boss because he or she is always on the phone or looks too busy. And, by the way, they usually never take the boss up on the offer. The bosses who don’t plan their performance reviews are typically not great planners in their jobs. There will typically be other problems down the road for that boss’s work group if they’re showing evidence of being unable to plan the simplest of meetings.

6. No pats on the back. It might seem like a simple thing, but lots of bosses just don’t give recognition to their people when they do a good job. These days, we’re all busy and most people are over-worked and under-appreciated. But it never ceases to amaze me how much abuse people can take from the worst boss and the worst work environment, as long as they get some random appreciation for their hard work every now and then. Maybe it’s just inertia, or fears about doing a job search in a bad economy, but I find most people want to stay where they are working at their current jobs. Maybe they have their kids in a daycare nearby. Maybe they have a decent commute. Whatever it is, people can put up with a lot of grief. They just need an occasional bone to be thrown their way. Say thanks to your people when they do a good job. It’s the cheapest bonus you’ll ever pay.

7. No recognition for doing the work of 3 people. More than just saying thanks, it’s important to remember that something structural has happened in the job market since the 2008 financial crisis. Most industries have dramatically cut headcount. As a result, the remaining folks have been asked to take on the responsibilities of their former colleagues. We’re now going into the 3rd year since most of these major layoffs have happened. On the one hand, the remaining employees are happy they continue to have their jobs, but a lot of them are starting to get burned out. As mentioned in the previous point, a little thanks would go a long way. Most times though, bosses say nothing. The old employees are gone, the new people pick up the slack, and life rolls on. Except that there’s a deep undercurrent of resentment among lots of employees out there.






Oops..wrong thing!



User avatar
383 Reviews


Points: 19607
Reviews: 383

Donate
Sun Oct 09, 2016 12:36 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



It's a good thing dear SilverBerry did the spellchecking for you, because I'm not entirely interested in that at the moment. However, I'll gladly talk my mouth off about plot and structure and point of view, and like usual you really do provide enough for me to talk about.

But first off, I wouldn't consider this a form of flash fiction. It's always difficult to describe what flash fiction is, or what makes something flash fiction--personally, I'd say anything under 250 words is flash fiction, because that's where it takes an entirely different mindset (from the short story mindset, that is) to make a story compelling. For example, you can't spend 250 words building up the setting. You can't spend 250 words building up three-dimensional characters. So really, the only way to effectively build up a story with just 250 words is having something familiar and letting it go insane. Something long-established by other works, but given a twist of some sort to be powerful, or a cliffhanger. For example; a character draws the situation like he's being chased down by monsters. At the end, one of the monsters tells the character something along the lines of "We're trying to help you, Dave--please, you're not well!" and shakes the audience's expectations.

There are, of course, millions of other ways to pull of the flash fiction effectively. However, that line of plot was what reminded me of your work. While I somewhat doubt that it is flash fiction (the boundaries have always been blurry), I do think it follows flash fiction techniques, that it captures the sort of familiarity and twist some works of flash fiction offer. Because it is familiar. It is (at least somewhat) surprising. And it's very notable.

But before I continue my rambles,

The Beginning

I think the beginning line, while powerful, got carried away by the second paragraph. There was a sort of momentum in the beginning, a question lingering in the air begging to be answered: "How did they know Mrs. Hutchinson was going to die? What do they mean by her time was up? What's happening here?" And that momentum died down with the description of Mrs. Hutchinson, simple, robust, yet without much emotion. We later find out that Mrs. Hutchinson (at least in the housekeepers' eyes) was a persnickety woman. If the Get Off My Lawn Old Woman stereotype was real, she'd be the model for it. The familiar conflict between Young Supposedly-Raucous Man and the Angry Old/Middle-Aged Woman starts, and the audience is left wondering what the author has to offer.

However, we don't immediately get that Mrs. Hutchinson is supposed to embody her trope. None of the imagery immediately show her as a 'despicable' woman, and while that can be interpreted as subtle storytelling, I think it'd be a good idea to associate her early on with strong words. For example:

the way she seemed to walk with an angry duck-like waddle.


This gives off the feeling that she's more affable than she actually is, or more affable than what the storyteller thinks she actually is. Since the storyteller is trying to convince the reader that their actions were 'justified' and Mrs. Hutchinson 'deserved it', I think they would've associated her with stronger descriptions. Perhaps "Her piggish features" or "Her limped, fowl-like gait" or something along those lines.

Main Criticisms

Besides my criticism of the beginning:

-I don't like how useless Anna is in this one. I'm not sure what her purpose for this story is--is she supposed to be a character from another story? Will there be a continuation? In any case, she feels like (unfortunately) a waste of space. The only other explanation I have for her being around is to be a sort of empathy mark for the audience, a way of saying "What the Narrator is Doing is Bad Feel Sad For Mrs. Hutchinson". It's arguable whether or not this was effective. In my opinion, it didn't really matter in the end, since it's already clear that the disappearance of Mrs. Hutchinson over something as petty as complaints was already a low point for the characters involved.

-Let's talk about the narrators. This is difficult because, well, we literally have no idea who the narrators are. I think that, since they thought of James as a friend, that they are also young people. But this also clashes with the language of the work, which is quite sophisticated and very persuasive, which suggests that it involves a more intellectual soul. So the closest thing I can come up with is a group of very smart, very morally questionable college students. Or a hive mind, if you also look at their obsession with order and conformity. It's debatable whether the identity of the narrator is actually necessary, but I think it's important in a way. It tells us where the story is coming from, it shows us a bigger picture, the war being fought between one side and the other--it gives a depth to the story. If it turns out the narrators are just a bunch of adults or normal landladies/gentlemen, then there's a gaping plothole in your story; why couldn't they just kick her out? If it was a bunch of young people who didn't want a stranger ruining their fun, then the audience believes you, and a dimension is added to the story. Dropping a couple lines of reference is enough to tell us, it wouldn't take too much time or energy, and personally I think it would be worth it.

Main Praises

-While I did say that the high language of the work leaves the narrator's identity blurry, I will say that it is extremely compelling, and it is probably responsible for why the ending was as shocking as it was. You seem to have a good grasp of voice, since the last work I read from you had a completely different one compared to this one, and both were effective in their respective plots. Good work on that.

-Your use of the Unreliable Narrator here is actually quite incredible. No, I'm not kidding. The way you described James' drum playing is very sympathetic, and while it could've been better your demonization of Mrs. Hutchinson worked well enough for me to actually think "Yeah, she deserved it" in the end. That end comment echoed in the back of the readers' head, like any end comment should, and I think that was the point where things started to snap together in the readers head (at least, my own head). Very good job there.

Overall, a good read. If I sounded a bit cynical in the criticism part, please excuse me. Those were minor nitpicks, and I do think that my like was well-deserved in this one.

--Elliot.




hyperview says...


Wow, thanks! I was actually just introduced to flash fiction when I started this class. My professor wanted this assignment between 250-750 words (which this one sits at just 746), and he considers this length to be flash fiction. But like you said, these lines are always pretty blurred.

I actually wanted to go a little bit in depth with Ms. Hutchinson's description, because like you said, it didn't quite fit well with me. But the restriction of words kind of left me in a tight spot, and I found myself jumping from place to place in order to get the story across rather than letting things flow. I'll definitely sit down and think about that!

Anna was supposed show the fact that although the narrators paint Ms. Hutchinson as something less than human, or like an animal, readers can see she's very much human with a life and responsibilites of her own. Since I didn't want to waste words on her past life, I thought an introduction of a daughter with her single mother could give readers an idea of how Ms. Hutchinson is and her past. But I see how that isn't easily read; I'll work on that and reword a few things to get that point across.

The narrative is supposed to be coming from the tenants as a collective since they're all thinking in a single body. James is out of that since he's the one struggling with Ms. Hutchinson at first, but then he rejoins the rest when she's gone. Because of this, I didn't really want to have too much emotion or a distinctive voice so that the narrative stays neutral, but judging from your comment, I see I kind of failed at that. :P

Thanks again for this great review; really gave me a lot to think about!



User avatar
75 Reviews


Points: 2162
Reviews: 75

Donate
Sat Oct 08, 2016 7:03 pm
SilverBerry wrote a review...



Hello, Silverberry here to review! I'm reading this as I review so my personal thoughts will be at the end.

"She arrived with her young daughter. Most of us suspected she wasn’t really her daughter since..."
With the repetition of the word daughter these two lines seem to awkwardly contradict each other. I'd suggest rewording it to "She arrived with her young daughter. Most of us suspected they weren't really related since...", I think this would make more sense because even if they weren't biologically related Anna would still be her daughter.

"We wrongfully thought little of that interaction..."
I am enjoying all the suspense leading up to whatever happens to Ms. Hutchinson, but the foreshadowing here is a little too outright, if that makes sense. Especially with the use of the word "wrongfully".

Okay I'm done reading and OH MY GOSH. I was not expecting that they were the ones that caused Ms. H's disappearance, so that was a very wonderful twist. Overall I didn't find too many errors, it was mostly just me being picky so great work! The only thing I would advise would be to explain a little better just what The Order is. I liked the character descriptions and the detail you put into them and the narrator's tone was very interesting and I think it fit the genre of the story. Anyways, I hope you found my advice helpful. Keep writing!




hyperview says...


Thanks so much! I totally agree with your daughter comment; I didn't even catch that. And the whole order thing is something I've been struggling with a little, and considering I've got a word limit of 750, it's a bit hard to go in depth with anything. I'll work on it, though. Thanks again!




You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss