Thrown into hell; part 3

Thrown into hell; part 3

Listening casually to the sound of the heels of the female demon’s shoe’s clack against the black marble floor, the baron of hell known solely as Leviathan raised his left hand to indicate to the white door that stood sorely out against the rest of surroundings; a sadistic grin on his face. “He’s in their, right?”

Looking warily at the grin on the leather clad demon, Echidna slowly nodded in response, all the while starring distantly at the door. “Yeah, he’s in there all right, I can sense him; though, I wouldn’t try anything with him if I were you.”

Sneering at her, he suddenly grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her closer to him, their faces were just millimetres apart from each other, his brown hair swaying gently in front of his face. “Or else what? You can’t even touch me echidna, let alone fight back properly. I wouldn’t be making idle threats like that if I were you; the only reason why you’re not like the rest of the scum here is that you’ve somehow got Master Satan’s respect and all that power.”

For a moment she just stared impassively at him, right before she smirked and flicking him in the nose; with the same force as a tectonic collision. As leviathan roared in pain while he tried the steam the flow of blood from his nose, Echidna casually stepped back from him so that she was at a much less personal distance from him. “It’s just that old saying; you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You just don’t get it, do you, Leviathan? Master Satan finds me too useful to just make me like one of them and if I ever catch you comparing with me the scum down here again under normal conditions, then I will make you regret it; I am nothing like them. Also, I wasn’t threatening you, Levi, I was actually giving you a piece of friendly advice… for a change.”

Rubbing his now nearly perfectly healed nose furiously, he glared at the back of the demoness as she began to head towards the black door on the other side of the corridor. “Oh? And why are you in such a generous mood all of a sudden, echidna?”

With a slight wave off her hand, she opened the spiked black door before disappearing behind it, her voice slowly trailing off until the door closed behind her. “Simple, if you try to attack him he will not only proverbially kick your butt but physically as well. Anyway, I’ll catch up soon, I just need to pick some things up before we can show him around.”

“… Godamned human bitch, who does she think she is? Ordering me about like that…” Grumbling very loudly to himself, he stomped towards the pure white door in the black wall before flinging it wide open, right before getting hit by a powerful aura, almost making him stumble backwards in surprise.

“Ah, damnit, she wasn’t lying… not another one; it’s just like Echidna all other again…” Mentally groaning, he took in the sight of a young man and what looked like a trunk with arms and eyes in the middle of a card game on the bed. “… Isn’t that the countess that she’s always yapping on about? Where’d she get those arms?… Wait a minute, this guy actually broke her seal? …Maybe I’d better take her advice for once…”

“Who are you?” Starring up at the 6 foot black leather clad demon, Mark strangely enough didn’t feel anything remotely related to fear; just annoyance at having their game interrupted.

Blinking a couple of times in surprise at the unimpressed tone of the human/seraphim’s voice, it took Leviathan a few moments before he could collect his thoughts properly. “I am leviathan, baron of hell and demon of envy.”

Much to his annoyance, Mark just gave him the same impassive look that Echidna always gave him. “That’s quite a nice title you got there; definitely shows off quite a bit of ego. But what’s with the gay biker look though? And you should really get rid of the chains as well; it makes you look like a bondage slave.”

For a moment he just stared at him, right before his left eye twitched spastically and he wheeled around before proceeding to storm out of the room. “Screw orders; I’m not going to spend the entire day dealing with too echidnas, one’s bad enough already.”

That was how Echidna found them; as she was about to open the door Leviathan threw it open and stormed out of the room, muttering profanities under his breath as he tramped off into the underworld; her husband in the middle of playing a card game with a trunk on her bed.

As she blinked uncertainly at the sight before her, She couldn’t help but notice Mark starring at her with raised eyebrows, probably due to her state of dress. “Well, its not like I’m going to show him every level of hell in high heels, now am I?” Instead of outfit a pair of slightly torn demmin jeans, partly worn-out trainers and a loosely fitting black T-shirt that nicely covered her chest. Her hair had been straightened and smoothed down into a long blonde stream that went down past her shoulder-blades.

“Wha… where did you get those arms from? And why are you playing cards?” Lucy just indicated towards Mark, making Echidna shot him with an unimpressed glare.

Looking at her somewhat uneasily, Mark just rubbed his back nervously. “Well, you did leave me for 9 hours in here with nothing else to do, and talking to her was getting pretty monotonous… I didn’t really know how to change her at first but she just said to imagine it and I knew you wouldn’t really like it if I changed her back into a human, so…”

Massaging her head as if it ease a growing migraine; a soft growl began to emanate from her throat as she looked on him with annoyance. “… Mark, you’re a Seraphim, you can bend reality itself and create your own pocket dimension in it; you could have simply created a TV and game console to pass the time instead of releasing her.”

“… How the hell was I surposed to know that? Look, to me I was just a perfectly normal and healthy old man just a few hours ago and I don’t feel any different from before; throw me a bone here already.”

Looking at the somewhat desperate and pleading expression on Mark’s face, Echidna’s face softened as she let out a loud sigh. “… I know how it feels, suddenly thrown into a completely different world where you know nothing at all about yourself or what’s going on… Okay, since it is my fault for not explaining things over with you properly, I’ll overlook it. And as for you…” she continued on before the trunk could butt in. “Considering just how long I’ve kept you as a inanimate trunk you can keep those arms for now, but I am not transforming you back to human before you ask.”

Looking sulkily up her, the trunk slugged slightly. “I knew you would say that but it doesn’t hurt to ask, doesn’t it? Anyway, just how long are you planning to keep me like this? It’s ridiculous, it stopped being humiliating centuries ago and surely I didn’t treat you that bad… didn’t I?”

Giving her a disbelieving and piercing look, Echidna shook her head and indicated for Mark to stand-up. “… Because of you I had to sacrifice myself to stop you from killing the entire population of Chester. … Because of you I am I now a slave to Satan, and while he treats me okay the other demons always take advantage me when I can’t do anything thanks to that contract that you signed. I was lucky that my master had agreed to allowing to allowing to defend myself from any present threat on this trip, otherwise Levi back there would have had me at his advantage. And you expect me to forgive you? Forget it, the day that happens is the day I will get back my freedom, and then just maybe I might forgive you.”

Shaking her head as if to clear her head, she pressed forwards again, this time looking at mark again, beckoning him forward. “Anyway, I’m here to give you that grand tour I promised you a few hours ago.”

“Really?” At the sight of her nodding a strange feeling of excitement came over him. “Cool, is this going to be like a modern version of Dante’s Inferno?” Of all the things he expected, the least he thought would happen would be for her to burst out into peels of laughter. He frowned in response. “What’s so funny?”

Pausing slightly in fit of mirth, Echidna pushed open the white door and began to walk back through it, him close in tow. “Well… I surpose you could say something like that. Of course, Dante wasn’t lead by a demon in his ‘trip’ and he had to cross each realm to get to the next, we’re just going to teleport from each.”

He blinked in response as the door shut behind them, giving him one last glimpse of the trunk begrudgingly carrying itself back to it’s spot by the mirror. “Teleport? Seraphim can do that?”

Chuckling slightly, she grabbed hold of him and pulled him close to her so that he was hugging her, all the while that weird shimmering sensation that he had felt a while ago swept over him again. “Of course we can, Seraphim can do anything to reality that they want, to bending it from completely creating it anew. Teleportation is something even a lower level angel or demon can do, it’s simply a matter of possessing complete control over our bodily molecules and rearranging them in a different place through our imagination and memory. Anyway, hold on tight, where going to start of with the first level.”

For a moment that weird shimmering sensation stayed with them for a moment, before it slowly faded away and left him with the feeling of springy grass beneath his feet.

It was just like he had expected; the landscape was a massive bleak plain with the only kind of object that made up the landscape apart from grass was a huge river. On this plain a huge crowd of people condensed into one extremely long line could be seen chasing after a flag; the mere sight of them made Mark grimace in disgust and turn away. Blood covered their entire figures, all if it from being constantly stung by a swarm of insects that followed them. They’re blistered and blood covered bodies made a pretty disturbing image even for someone like an experienced soldier; the worms beneath their feet didn’t really help the matter as well.

“… That’s just gross; please don’t tell me that hell is going to be worse than this?”

Pausing mid-stride, Echidna appeared to actually to null this comment over. “Well… While hell itself isn’t that gruesome image-wise as compared to this place in most of the lower levels, some of the higher ones can be worse. Truthfully, I don’t think I’ve ever thought this over properly before, actually…”

“Anyway, can we move on soon? There’s not exactly much to look at here and -”

“Gang way! Coming through!”

Mark had only enough time to register the feeling of being hit by what felt like a freight train and the sound of his wife letting out a yelp of surprise. However, that was right before he felt the sensation of being stung all over by what felt like a horde of killer bees with massive stingers. Needless to say it hurt; A lot.

Now, while Mark wasn’t a particularly vindictive individual, he was a human with particularly fast reactions and quite a big imagination. Mix those to together with how many times he had seen the movie ‘killer bees’ and he was now a powerful being only know as a Seraphim who can bend reality and can you guess what kind of equation we got?

A firestorm, and a very big one to boot.

For the first time in the history of that level of hell, an almighty scream of alarm rose up from everybody who walked… (Well, ran in that plain, rather) into the air, right before it changed into panic. It was also at the moment that the constant buzzing sound that had always filled the air rang out even louder and hasher than before. However, like a lightbulb, it dimmed until the sound slowly burnt out and disappeared from the plain, leaving a cold and unearthly silence in it’s wake; forever gone.

Starring around her, with her dazed husband lying on the ground and the charred angels frozen to the spot, Echidna summed up the words that was on everyone’s mind; “… Shit; god is not going to be happy about this.”

Starring up in confusion where the bees had once been, the leader of the group of angels looked down to stare down at Mark in utter bafflement. “What in the name of god did you do, boy? It should have been impossible to get rid of them!”

A scowl broke across Mark’s features. “For one thing I am not a boy, I’m over 90 years old, and for another; have you ever tried to get rid of them?”

For a moment the leader just stared down at him while his fellows looked at each other, right before he shook his head in dismay. “You mean to tell me that we’ve wasted the last few thousand years for nothing? We could have ended our punishment at the start by killing off those damned insects? Damnit, god has a sick sense of humour!”

“I believe its called irony.” Echidna quipped, drawing the angels and the crowd surrounding them attentions. “You were being punished for doing nothing and you could have escaped by doing something about it. But instead you guys do what you’ve always done; do absolutely nothing and let the world change around you; you’re so pathetic. It’s like that saying, what you reap is what you sow.” Shaking her head, she grabbed hold of Mark and began to pull in the direction of the river. “Let’s continue on with this tour honey, and please don’t do anything like that again; I’d rather not piss off god to much than he probably is already.”

As she began to pull him in the direction of the river, he managed to vaguely catch what the crowd of angels were muttering to themselves as they looked at each other in puzzlement:. “Well… now what do we do? We can’t go to heaven or hell for what we did…”

From his voice, Mark could tell that the one in front was grimacing. “And I somehow get the feeling god wouldn’t like it if we went to earth…”

“I’ll tell you what your going to do; your going to do what you’ve done for the last couple of thousands years; run!” Looking up, Mark caught sight of the group let out a yelp of surprise and fear as they saw what looked like Charron (he guessed) running towards them, waving an oar in his left hand; a demented gleam was present in his eyes. Yelping at the sight of the demented demon, they took off in the other direction. “Yes! That’s it! Run like your lives depend on it! Muwhahaha!”

“What are you- ow! Why are you - ow! Hitting us with your –ow! Oar, you crazy old – ow! Man?”

“Why? Because it’s fun! That, and I’ve been ordered to do it now that the insects are gone as your punishment. Believe me, this is far more funnier than steering a boat.”

“But who’s going to – ow! Steer the boat with you gone? Ow!”

Looking towards the river, Mark’s jaw physically dropped as he caught sight of Homer Simpson drumming his fingers against the side of wooden boat while he sighed in a depressed manner. “I swear this place gets crazier and crazier with each century.”

His boat partner, who looked like the famous poet Horace, shrugged in response. “It sure seems like that but I’m really most curious about why they made us steer the boat.”

Drumming his fingers impatiently against the side of the boat, Homer sighed again. “I hate my life…”

“I believe the correct term is underlife now; what with us being dead after all.”

“Whatever…”

“… Is that… Homer Simpson?”

Starring at the duo also in puzzlement, Echidna scratched the back of her head in mild confusion as she stared intensely at them, attracting their attention to them at the same time. “Actually, that’s Homer the poet; we just thought it would be funny if we changed him into his yellow and dumber counterpart. But what on earth are they doing here? I don’t remember any orders about them replacing Charron…”

“Orders from the top ma’am; Dante was here just a moment ago and he ordered Charron to replace the insects and us to replace him.”

“… That was quick, even for them. How’s Dante doing anyway? I haven’t seen him since for centuries.”

“He’s doing fine; turns out that they’ve decided to turn him into his gaming namesake as well and needless to say he’s enjoying his new good looks immensely, especially his new six-pack. Anyway, I take it you want to take a trip to the other side, right?” Echidna nodded, indicating to Mark. “Oh, so you’re showing someone else around then, eh? He can’t be another Dante; he didn’t have such a powerful aura… bloody hell; you’re a Seraphim, aren’t you? Sheesh, not another one; are you guys breeding or something? Did Satan finally convince you to have a kid with him?”

Echidna turned slightly green at this. “Thankfully not since the contact allows me some choice there; I don’t even want to think of what that kid would look like and how powerful Satan would get if he got his hands on another Seraphim…”

Horace smacked his head as the two of them approached the boat. “Of course; you’re another human, aren’t you? Well, what did you do then to get all the power but then end up down here like dear Echidna?”

Mark sighed in exasperation as he climbed into the boat, before then reciting the start of his army profile. “Mark stone, seasoned SAS captain; age 92; height 5;7, awarded the Victoria cross in 2004 for the following reasons: 1. saved 4 entire platoons of SAS soldier’s from being captured by enemy soldiers in Iraq and most likely from being tortured. 2. Saving over and 100 normal soldiers by staying behind with 5 other SAS soldiers to defend the bridge before blowing it up along with most of the enemy soldiers. 3. While not intentional, saved over 50 Iraq civilians at the same time by hunting down the remained insurgence; was quite severely wounded at the time but made a full recovery. And as for why I’m down here it’s because they people upstairs made a mistake and put me in the place of my murderer and I’m stuck here until they realise what happened.”

For a moment complete silence fell over the group; the two poets starring at him with jaws dropped while Echidna stared at the horizon with an amused grin on her face. “… Damn, you almost put Achilles to shame in terms of warrior skills… almost. It’s no wonder you’re a Seraphim; with that for a start you could even rival Echidna’s good deed record. Hell; your also seem to have the same amount of bad luck that Echidna has as well.”

Coughing, Echidna shook her head and pointed in front of them to indicate they should get a move on. “As fun as it is talking idly like this I’m afraid I’ve got a schedule to keep; so if you don’t mind I’d sure like to get a move on.”

Nodding in acknowledgement, Homer dipped the oar on the left side of the boat while Horace did the same, before pausing as he suddenly remember something; he looked pointedly at Mark. “Hold on a minute; aren’t I supposed to knock you out before we leave?”

“Well, seeing as I’m not a simple spirit like Dante I don’t think so; besides, I’d like to see you try.”

“… Good point; just don’t tell anyone what you see in this river, okay?”

Mark let a reluctant sigh as the boat pushed away from the riverbank. “Sure, no problem; I guess I was kind of expecting something like this.”

“And so begins a brand new adventure…” Horace muttered ominously under his breath as the boat joined the river current.

“… What?”

“Sorry; force of habit.”

“… You two are weird.”

“You don’t know the half of it; believe me.”