Hi,
The title doesn't live up to it!
Especially the expectation of this poem being a really sad one when you didn't capitalized the title. I thought I would burst into tears or shred myself over or scream in the bathroom or go hugging my love and tell him I love him so much.
This review is to fulfill the long-but-not-lost request you gave to me.
So much for a title, so you should give more attention to it, 'kay? I thought it would be like a moment of breaking up with the dear one, and the persona would say, look into my eyes... You know I love you or remember God (because it's spiritual <_<) or something like that.
Well, first impression you did to me, total failure...
Sorry for being harsh, but I was kind of upset... really.
Now to the meat: Beautifully made. This whole poem really did the job well. Describing the feeling of love so realistic, I can relate myself almost 60% as much. Why not 100% or the convincing 99.99%? It's because you lacked one of the senses that I really experience in my love days. That is smell. I know we aren't talking about my love days, but to me, I notice how unique and beautiful my love smells like. Although I can smell it from a perfume bottle, but it's different when my love used it... I can't explain, it is love after all like you can't explain why your heart beats faster when the dearest one in front you of you, right? That's my point number 1.
Number 2 would be I like the way this poem being so neat. It shows that it's honest. Imagine if a poet makes his poem a mess from the hell, would the poem really shows he is being honest? Yeah, it could be. But you know what I meant.
Bumping to number three, I just wonder how you get the idea of describing the smile. I love it. It's so unique and fresh especially when you described it as almost a scientific way.
This would be number 4 and the last one and the most irritating one.
Indeed hurting you, is hurting me. Killing you is
killing me.
Oh so sweet. Or so I thought. It wasn't sweet at all. Everyone can say that. I would really love to say those words to my mother... or to my teacher... and they would like something like wow, I'm touched or whatever. See what I meant? It is a little cliche and so simple. People are touched because how simple it is, but just wanting you to know that try to show, not tell. This is your chance to make me cry.
Okay! Meow, meow, I'm tired, but I just want to quote this...
When I look at you, and see how you cry and laugh,
talk and sleep, I am filled with awe.
It's so so true. Especially the sleep part. I don't meant something 18+ or something like that, but seeing the person I love sleeping makes me wanting to protect him forever and ever and never will I leave him.
Keep on writing and loving the person you love and be positive.
Meow!
~Memo
Points: 3187
Reviews: 173
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