Hate

Hey there! Shooting Stars is here for her reviewing session!!!
I have to say that this is a very powerful poem, and it keeps you thinking long after the last words. It did for me, anyways. This is a concept that most everyone has had to handle, or has dealt with something similar. I honestly loved it.
However, I have a few suggestions and corrections.
Number one, there aren't any breaks in the punctuation! If there's a lack of periods and commas, the reader doesn't know when to stop. Then the line feels like a run-on, and I'm sure you don't want that. Add in some punctuation, and it will work wonders!
Secondly, I noticed a few misspellings. Just maybe one or two, but go ahead and read over the poem again to make sure there's no more typos. An example: "...I will not be you evil companion..." Here, the word "you" should probably be "your." That's what makes the most sense. Don't worry, though! It's a small mistake.
Overall, besides the lack of breaks, this was a great, well written piece you have created. It really shows your emotions, and has a big impact on the reader. The words are very powerful. Great job, Jordan!
---Shooting Stars

Hey there!

I haven't reviewed in a long time, so cut me some slack.

First of all, this seems like a stream-of-consciousness poem. Do you know what that is? Basically, you write what comes to mind, without focusing on structure or rhyme or any of that. It can be pretty interesting to see what comes up!

There are a few interesting lines in here --

"Why do you hate?/Why are you hate?"

I thought that was an interesting question to ask.

The problem, I think, is that the poem is so long and doesn't have any breaks! I can see where you might divide into different stanzas, because every few lines you seem to mention something in the previous section. For instance: (Not sure if codes still work here, so I'll just do it my way)

"I am lost
The darkness throws me off track
All light in life is gone
My heart is an empty hole that is full of sorrow
Love has left me
Light has left me
I am alone

Lost
Where is my path to my light
No where to be found
Is it gone for me to find?
Or for me to be lost in sorrow forever more
What did I do to put you away love?"

See where I put the break? Something like that. Just makes it easier for the reader to take it all in.

As for the actual message... I have to say, it's very melodramatic, and again seems stream-of-consciousness. It's kind of hard (for me anyway) to get any real meaning here. Seems like the narrator has a conflict with someone else who has caused a great deal of pain and possibly betrayal. However, there's no real form to any of it. There's just a lot of "love/hate" words that don't really tell us anything.

My suggestion to you is to try to tell more of a story here, rather than just letting it all out at once. What was the betrayal? You don't have to say it outright, but hinting at it might be nice. Organize this a little more, and shorten it up. As is, it sort of just rambles on and says the same thing over and over again. Make it go somewhere!

Hope I helped a little. Good luck!

<3 Crysi