About Me
When I was a child my parents both died in a car accident.
I am now 14 years old, I was 3 years old when prior the my parents death, I was put into this orphanage in England. Everyday passed by painfully slowly, and what was left of me was but a shell of my real self. I was dying even though i was alive.
Whenever I became overly distraught I would muster up all my courage and plaster a fake smile on my face... even though it didn't look convincing. There were only a few thoughts that i dearly hung onto, One was the thought that kept me constantly moving forward, there were millions of people all over the world who sat in worst conditions. And the other was the thought that someone... just maybe someone was out there looking for me, maybe it was wishful thinking but what more would you expect of a girl who had her entire identity snatched away from her? As the days neared my birthday I began to loose all hope that i would be rescued by someone who cared, who was i kidding i was stuck here forever.
Not all hope was lost, maybe God was looking over me, like he always had been, all these years supplying me with the much needed strength to go forward. Miss. Borst was my orphanage mother, and she had informed me just that morning that she had found a long lost relative of mine called Alice. Miss. B contacted Alice and told her about me, its quiet comforting to know that she made plans to immediately come get me. Miss. B was also told by Alice that she had been searching for me herself. I am so excited! I can hardly sit still, the excitement is boiling up inside me, and for the first time in a long time im feeling something other than dread. I just finished packing my things not that I have much just a pair of jeans, two tops, undergarments that were given to me by the orphanage, and not to forget my blue pendant shaped like a palace, and a little blue compass that matched it. The pendant belonged to my mother Alicia and the compass belonged to my father Alick and they are the only things I have to remember my parents by.
My name is Aliza Atla it's an odd name but I am proud of it. Everyone in my family have similar names as you might have already noticed. I am weird in all ways to everyone who is normal. I don't walk (I cant seem to be able to) I glide my movements are swift and quick, I have tanned skin that has a faint glow, my eyes are big but beautiful and light brown with a tinge of green, my hair is just below my shoulders, wavy, and dark black, I have very long and thick eye lashes. I have 2 dimples, one dimple on the right side of my face just below my eye, and another one the left side of my face in the middle of my cheek. Oh and as many people often tell me im unnaturally tall for my age and gender.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a decent first part here. There are a couple of issues that need to be addressed but the general premise and gist of this does seem pretty enjoyable here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayyy....well a bit of a tragic start there in what feels like its going to be a bit of a introduction by this protagonist here to get us started in this story. Its definitely quite exciting to see where this one may be headed, so its an intriguing beginning at any rate, so let's see where this goes.
Okayy...this is an interesting little moment here. It looks like we're diving into perhaps the present situation of this person and it does appear to be a fairly dire one there if the mentions of not quite feeling happy in life is anything to go by and they seem to almost have lost hope of finding some sort of family again. Its an interesting set of emotions that are being brought up here and it definitely works as a bit of a hook here.
Okay...well that was a bit of a saving grace I see for this person. That's a fun little moment here. I feel like maybe its just a slight overload of information compared to the earlier paragraphs and its a little harder to fully process. You could perhaps try and break up this information a little more I think or it just can get slightly boring and that's something you definitely want to avoid at the start of a story.
Okayy...slightly odd finish there. I feel like this makes for a bit of a strange ending. We have so much focus on emotions and this person's feeling as they're going through what appears to be a rather important phase in their lives and now we just have this long list of what they look like and the name...it feels like an unnecessary set of details to dive into at this point.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think its not a bad start, but it could do with some improvement here. Especially that ending just doesn't work all that well for this part. Anyway, I believe that all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
sorry it was a mistake the stupid site keeps on NOT working!!!
pretty cool, sounds very interesting though why is it rated 16 or whatever?