hey guys,
sorry I have not posted in a while I was kind of busy, but anyway please tell me what you guys think!
I had two more classes left to go to but I didn't feel like going anymore I quickly slipped out the back emergency door that’s alarm had been shut off I ran into the bamboo forest behind the school, Someone grabbed me on the shoulder I let out a scream I turned around but no one was there it had to have been my imagination I was sure it wasn't real, I ran the rest of the way though the bamboo forest I slowed down out of breath when I reached the outside I walk to my bike tied up to a tree and went to the side walk of the neighborhood next to me I rode though it I got on the road again and stopped at the 7-11 next to my apartment complex I grabbed an Arizona tea of the freezer shelf and walked to the check out isle I soon noticed there was a elderly lady behind me, are you Olivia? I spun around uh yeah, How did you know? Oh how rude of me my name is Eloise I recognized you from the apartment complex I just moved into the apartment next to you I was speaking with your mother and then I saw you walk into your house, Oh ok I replied yes I think I heard my mother talking about someone moving in. next in line please. The cashier asked me I spun back around her way oh sorry I replied. I watched my teal blackberry light up in my hand it was a text message from an (804) number my phone did not know I opened it said hi Olivia this is Henry from your English class I am new. I pressed the reply button then started to text, here you go the cashier interrupted me once again I looked up from my phone and grabbed the bag and walked out the front door I finished. Oh yeah I remember you so how did you get my number? I hesitated to it the send button but accidentally hit it. My phone lit up in my back pocket I pulled it out it was a text from the (804) number again I decided to save him as a contact I did that and then opened up the text message it read I got it from the year book your number was written under your picture. I hit reply again and started to text my cell phone number was on there? that’s weird! I hit send and waited for his reply as I started walking back home but my phone didn't light up for the walk home I kept checking it but there was no reply I resent the message to make sure he got it and waited but he didn't reply, I thought that he might have not been able to talk anymore so I just ignored it and went home I opened the gate to my apartment complex and ran over the hill I looked in the window of my house the blinds were open witch they usually weren't I saw a man dressed in blue jeans with a white T shirt and a black hoody over that he was talking to my parents I saw papers spread out on the table I ran down the hill and to the front door. When I came in the man looked up.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Thsnks,
I know this is weird but when you say my story is confusing it brings me pleasure i like confusing i like confusing people, ecpeially people who are older then me I know its not always a great thing but its what i like to do, But thanks on the advice anyway... Thsnk you
Horse
Hi, PenNPaper here to review!
There should be a period after 'anymore'.
Okay there were far too many punctuation mistakes and I didn't feel like pointing it all out to you. Also, it is extremely obvious that there were many dialogues and that there should have been inverted commas. Also, break the story into smaller paragraphs so it will be easier to read. When starting a dialogue, begin on a new paragraph. Altogether the story is really confusing, please edit it for the sake of others who are going to read this.
Sorry if I do seem harsh, I don't mean it, really.
Good luck and keep writing, bye for now!
Hi Horselover,
Are there any other parts of this story that I need to read before reading this one.Please PM me.