Wind

this is really good! i really got into this poem you have natural talent

horsegirl2 wrote:I move as wind
in the leaves
rustlings no one hears
but the trees
Awaking only the
cicadas who
dare to hear
Invisible as the air
no one hears nor cares
the things I have to say
Only wise trees listen
and the cicadas sing with
the invisible breeze

Very good poem!! I think that if you add comas and periods it will flow a little better and be easier to read...

I move as wind
in the leaves.
Rustlings no one hears
but the trees.
Awaking only the
cicadas who
dare to hear.
Invisible as the air,
no one hears nor cares
the things I have to say.
Only wise trees listen,
and the cicadas sing with
the invisible breeze.

You did a good job with this poem. Though one thing you might want to revise, and to help it flow better is make each line the same amount of syllables. Just a thought, but i enjoyed reading it!

Hi there, horsegirl2~! I’m here to return your review on the first chapter of Assembly. ^_^

I’ve got to say, though, like I warned you in my PM, that I know next to nothing about poetry, and I almost never review it for that very reason, so I really have my doubts that I’ll be much help to you. I will try my very best, though.

I do think that it was really pretty, and that you used some really nice imagery in your description of the wind. I especially liked your personification of the “wise trees” and the cicadas. The imagery in this poem really gives a great impression of the freedom and wildness of nature, and I really liked that. : )

I do agree with TheModernist that a little punctuation might help the poem out, however, as well as taking a look at where the line breaks are. It doesn’t quite seem to “flow” to me, which would be fine, except that it makes the poem feel a little stilted—it seems to start and stop and start and stop, which doesn’t quite suit the subject matter. Maybe it might help to try reading it aloud, to figure out where the rhythm of the words makes line breaks fit, to make the poem flow better from line to line. *shrug*

In any case, though, I did like it a lot. ^_^ This has really great imagery and I think it captures a mood perfectly. Well done, and thanks again for your review. ^_^

this is really good

when i read it i felt like i was the wind or like i know what it whispers when it blows in my ear.

yeah i really enjoyed this, keep it up!!

oh and horses are pretty much the best!!! woot!!

~Adeera~

This is a pretty poem.

The line breaking is a little awkard, but that may be intentional. For me however, the awkardness is not needed in a poem about something of such fluidity, the wind.

Despite that, it is a very nice poem.

This was good. It was short and simple. I think that it may benefit from some punctuation, however. The other thing I would suggest would be to change "move" to speak, since the poem seems, at the end, to be more about listening than movement. I hope that makes sense. You can PM me with any questions.

horsegirl2 wrote:I move as wind
in the leaves
rustlings no one hears
but the trees
Awaking only the
cicadas who
dare to hear
Invisible as the air
no one hears nor cares
the things I have to say
Only wise trees listen
and the cicadas sing with
the invisible breeze