Young Writers Society

Oy... this poem sounds eerily similar. It is reminiscent of my early poems where I thought style was more important than content and that poetry was meant to be confusing, and the more confusing it was, the deeper it was. Of course, the easiest way to confuse people (and thusly write a "deep" poem) is to make it utterly unreadable by using an absolutely horrid style of passive voice and extra words. So I definitely understand what you're going through.

The problem is that just because it's unreadable and incoherent doesn't mean it's deep. In fact, it just means that you're trying to sound smart by being utterly confusing and, if you were asked to analyze this poem, you would probably stutter. Not to say that this poem is meaningless--that is not true. But you have presented your ideas in such an awkward way that you would trip over your words.

What you are basically saying is that what if people wanted to know life's mysteries. See? Clear idea presented very clearly. From the clear idea, you can continue, weaving a clear picture of the sorrows and mysteries and anger toward life in a clear, description that allows people to muse about the image you have created... not what the words mean.

Worry less about where you place the words and more about writing coherently.

First of all, before I continue with this review, I'd like to mention the 2:1 ratio rule - in order to post a story or poem of your own, you must review two other stories/poems. So make sure you make one more review as soon as you can!

Anywho, on with the show!

“What if much of a want was to know”



What if much of a want was to know I have no idea what this means. Think you could explain what you mean by this?

the work behind the colors of life’s mind

refracts from the simple to become revered

and comes forth through the heaven’s sadness? Wait... that was all a question? Strange...

(with heat and cold intertwined)

- The sign of peace from skies glory. This part makes no sense to me - what's with the hyphens and parentheses? I'm confused!


What if need leaves the hero in the dark

safety determined with evil’s destruction

with shame dealt with loss Shouldn't the "with" be "and"? It makes it confusing otherwise.

and man’s acceptance of fate?

( the savior is no longer wanted and neglected by fellow man)

- Settle in the hills when destruction is scarce reserving for another day to combat the conflicts of foul play. Once again, this part confuses me - sorry, I'm very easily confused, as you might have noticed.


What if the strive for the weak to be strong is fulfilled

as they come out of the shelter into the sun

to protect their loved ones

and sacrifice themselves?

( knowing so full well)

- A hero will be born from the shadows whose triumph and lore will be spoken for all to hear. It may still confuse me, but this line is my favorite.



So what if much of a want is to know

All learned and heard and sung beneath the rays of sun and glow of moon

Never ending until the dark hand guides you into endless night?

(with no regrets and lack of satisfy)

- Lack of remembrance may be assured, but if a want is to know let natures call bind you and thoughts be kept in the breeze say and sound of life for all eternity. Confusing choice of words, but I kind of get it... I think?