"Okay," I begin, "tell me something that burns out fast."
Cassidy smiles; she raises her hand up to place it on my shoulder. "My life, I suppose."
"Don't say that," I reprehend.
"Please, Louise, you know it's true. I have terminal cancer, meaning there isn't a way for me to survive," Cassidy shoots back. She rolls her glossy blue eyes.
"Yeah. I would have said a candle," I say.
"A candle? Why?"
I shrug. "I don't know. They burn out quickly."
"Sometimes," Cassidy adds, "I'm fond of candles though."
I stifle a giggle. "Of course. They're nice."
"Agreed, 'specially when you light some with your best friend," Cassidy finishes. She grabs the packet of matches off the table and I hand her the shiny white candle. She places the candle into the hallow pumpkin, then she lights it.
Candles. Who would've thought they could mean so much?
NOTE: This is my first short (one shot) on this website, ever. I know it's not the best, but it's late, plus this is only the prologue.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Jared here with a review.
I won't bother with nitpicks, because I see you have already amended most of the grammar errors, if not all of them.
Praise and deeper analysis.
First of all, I really think this prologue delivers. It draws the reader in and it does it effectively with few words.
At this point, the reader can only guess why she would say that.
Then:
Now you have the reader interested even further in the lives of the characters introduced in this prologue.
The mark of an effective prologue is that it serves as not only a hook to the novel, but perhaps even provides some back-story before the reader proceeds. This is exactly what a prologue should be.
What I really like prologue introduces the object that this novel is named after, candles.
What you might change Wording could be changed, if you would like to do so. It doesn't necessarily have to be more meaty and lengthy, but it could be.
Budding writer here for a quick review!
"Okay," I begin, "tell me something that burns out fast."
Cassidy smiles; she raises her hand up to place it on my shoulder. "My life, I suppose."
First of all I should just tell you that I absolutely love your opening sentence. To me its like one of the most important elements when writing something and I specially love those stories that begin with dialogues like you'res did!
" She rolls her glossy blue eyes."
Nice description here!
There is only one thing I would like to mention is that I'm not at all concerned about the length of the prologue well cause their meant to be short anyways but the prologue somehow gave more of a feeling of a chapter and somehow it felt that it was meant to be a chapter. And thats why I felt that it kinda ended abruptly.
Do keep writing!
-Budding writer
YOUR AVATAR, OH MY! NUTELLA! A CUTE CREATURE EATING IT. I LOVE IT. AHH.
BUT IT'S GREAT.
Right, I like this a lot, so you've earned a like, follow and review from me!
Riiight, onto the story.
I think this is really really good because it has meaning behind it, which is grand, and when Cassidy said "My life, I suppose." I thought it was clever, and well-written and sad
Have you read The Fault in our Stars? Such a great book and this reminded me of it slightly (not sayin' you're copying, just saying that it's good and well-written.) and I really can't wait for more of this to be uploaded!!
I have no more grammar points to point out as Lucrezia pointed out all the ones there.
Great work, I can't wait to read more of your writinggg!
-CFG
Oh mer gawsh, thank you so much! And about the book, "The Fault In Our Stars," I haven't read it. My friends have, they tell me too but I just can't get in it. Haha. Thanks for the gift, too.
No problem, you deserved it!
Read it, seriously, it's amazing! I forced my whole family to read it, they didn't regret it!
I totally will now
Hullo!
. So, great job! I apologize vif this isn't very specific, but it's my first time reviewing a story, so I guess we're are both new to this kinda thing!
I really enjoyed the prologue, and could easily see it leading into a high-quality story (or novel, or wherever you decide to take this!). The technicalities are great, the imagery is real,and most importantly, I already like both of the character
Please continue with the story! I have a feeling this one could be a real emotional roller-coaster (in a good way, of course).
Thank youuuuu
I love how you said, "I have a feeling this one could be a real emotional roller-coaster"
Really cute saying, btw.
Hi! Pen here with a review!
To start things off (and break the ice) Welcome to YWS! I hope you find joy and happiness in the form of our little site. Okay, so maybe I'm a newer member, too. But still! Enjoy the site! I do.
Next, I think this is great. For your first work on here, you did a great job!
I don't really have any nitpicks over grammar, or spelling, so points for that!
I love the use of imagery and the underlying themes used here.
I think that this is completely adorable! I can't wait to read more.
Again, we welcome you!
~Pen
Thank you!! That made my day <33
Welcome to YWS! Lucrezia here to review.
This is a really intriguing prologue. Honestly I quite enjoyed it. For the most part, the grammar/punctuation/spelling is all correct---great job on that, by the way---but I did manage to find a couple of teeny, tiny nitpicks.
I don't think the comma is really necessary.
I'll assume you meant to write, "when you light some with YOUR best friend." Not a big deal, of course.
There shouldn't be a space between "Louise" and the comma.
Other than that, this was great. I can't wait to read the first chapter.
^-^ Thank you for pointing those out. I would have never noticed, since I wrote it at like ten at night. Haha. Thanks again.