They Don't Know

Hey Hocks! Erza is back! Anyways on with the review...

Basically (as far as I can see) this poem is like a list of what you are gonna do right?? Also this barely passes as a poem mainly because it is so weak despite the strong emotions that this one has. Also once again this could be your draft and you can read this to invoke the same emotions and write it much elaborately...

Here is what you have done...

Felt like you need to do something about something that has happened and that its enough...and you wrote the poem on that.
Also..you wrote this exactly how you felt in your heart..and you did not even consider making this more readable and attractive before posting it online..
You have made this too bland and most of the readers find it boring..

Here is what you can do....

Invoke those feelings within you and after concentrating on them...write this once again in a much better manner...also you could also add up some spice to this poem by writing about what happened that you are taking certain actions...resize it..

Overall...there is nothing I can feel from this poem and I hope you change that..
Good luck!

Hm, okay. I like what you're trying to say here, and I like the emotions that are present. But like a previous reviewer wrote, I ended up just skipping the repeated lines and it ended up making the poem shorter and less enjoyable to read overall.
Plus, you being the first part with, "They don't know how much I'll cry," but every line after starts with some form of I. (I'll, I'm, I, I'll) It would probably be better if you kept that rhythm the same if you were going to keep the "They don't know."
If you really wanted to keep the repetition, then maybe it would be better if you introduced a new line in between each "They don't know." This would add variety and make it a lot easier to read.
Oh, and a little nitpicking, you should probably add commas after "You're so lucky" and "I'm so lucky" to add a little pause before "they say" and "though" in those lines.
Other than those little things, this poem is actually really good and you should definitely keep writing! You do a great job at conveying your emotions through words and to me, that is what poetry should be about.

He there hockeyfan. Well, I like the last line's little bitter tone there, and the irony of it, but I think that for the most part this poem is in some serious need of remodeling. A repetitive structure can work in a pattern or for a short amount of time, but it can't support an entire poem throughout, or our lazy human minds will simply start skipping the repeated words. This makes the poem less powerful.

My advice is read up on your poetry and look for new techniques and methods of styling your writing. Reading is ineffably important in writing, so do it frequently. The only way to be a poet is to analyze great (and terrible) poetry.

Other than this, really work on increasing your use of imagery and dodging angst as much as you possibly can.

I hope this helps. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx