Young Writers Society

Love the username ^^

I like the sense of comparison in this writing. I can imagine the person (aka the darker shade of blue) putting someone else on a pedestal and making them seem so much better whilst the other is left by themselves. It's a very real thing for us as people to feel when we feel useless.

The imagery is beautiful. I'm a sucker for imagery, so I love "You are the soothing scene surrounding the clouds of cotton looking down upon me," then followed with "Not me." It's an abrupt response to the beautiful sentence written, which makes the emotion of the other more strong and absolute that they are not. Well done with that.

"You cause beauty and peace. And warm days on the beach." It's so easy and lovely to imagine, which is what I'm sure the "darker shade of blue" thinks as well. Overall, I can see/feel the emotion in this.

Just a couple of things that I think could make the words flow even lovelier.
- "You cause beauty and peace." I think another word for "cause" like "bring" or "bestow" would not only add to the described elegance, but also in general fit a little better with the scene.

- "Your shade of blue is my favorite." At the beginning you talk about the two different shades, and I personally think this line would fit better at the start rather than in the middle of a setting description, for after that line it is followed with talking about a hurricane.

- "A Perfect Soothing Scene." My thought is that you wanted to create a bit of emphasis with it being the ending line, thus giving it capitalization. I personally think that BECAUSE it is the last line, it has enough emphasis already. I don't think there's a real reason for it, but I can see what you were trying to do.

Above all else, beautiful imagery. ^^
Regards, Lisbeth.

Dear hipstersquid,

First of all, you should earn brownie points for your username. Just saying.

Second of all, oooh, I like how you came up with this idea. It really painted a picture in my head with the use of imagery. I really enjoyed that. It's short and sweet.

I also really enjoyed the theme. How it's like "well if I'm with you, I'll just hurt you" and "you paint a beautiful scene, while I'm just thundery and dark" and "you're beautiful sunshine while I'm storm clouds." I don't know, I found that really interesting.

The lines "You cause beauty and sleep // And warm days on the beach" flowed really well, I thought.

Looking back at the poem now, I like how you said "Not me." but you also said "Not you." four lines below it. I'm not exactly sure why...

It also seems to have a hidden meaning, like yeah you're the one who casts lightning, but many people love lightning. You just have to find the right people, you just have to seek out storm catchers. It's like, even though you're dark and mysterious, some people really like that. It seems to address so many things on so many levels.

The only criticism I can find with this poem is
1. "A Perfect Soothing Scene" doesn't necessarily need to be capitalized. I thought that perhaps it was the title of the poem, so it should be capitalized, then I noticed that the title is actually "Blue" and thought it was a little strange.
2. The two lines that I mentioned earlier flow really well, but the rest of the poem doesn't really. I don't mind a poem that doesn't flow well, it's just if one or two lines flow well and the rest of it doesn't, it just makes it more obvious that it doesn't flow, y'know? Though don't change this poem, pleaassse. It sounds really good.

P.S. The title of the poem, "Blue," reminds me a lot of the song by Halsey called "Colors." I don't know if you've heard it, but I tried to make a poetry short story out of it once, and this just reminded me a lot of it. If you haven't heard the song, you should definitely listen to it!

Anyways, it's 12:47am where I am, so I should probably get to bed. Wonderful poem though! I'll keep my eye out for your username in the future (it shouldn't be hard to pick out)! Thanks! Have a good day/night!!!

Sincerely, Bailey Matwiiw.

Hello again, hipstersquid! New poetry, eh?

I can definitely see improvement in your words from your last poems! You're very consistent and stay on topic, which is important. I'm getting a vibe that this is related to the three other poems you've written before this one. I like that!

So I'm guessing the main character is in a romantic relationship with another person, who wants to leave. And when they did leave, the main character became dark and harmful, while the other is bright and vivid. I could be wrong.

But some sentences, such as "I cause harm. Not you," could become one sentence. It would make more sense that way.

Everything else I need to say about this was already said by Nikayla, and I don't want to write anything you've already been told. Great job on the poem!

~gxldencrxwns

This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review!

So I understand that I've reviewed your poetry before. Notably yesterday, so I have something else to go off of when judging the overall style, though that's not going to change much when it comes to my opinion on this poem.

End-stopping. At least I can say you're more consistent this time. You do it through the whole poem! Have you ever heard of enjambment or commas or semicolons or any other kind of punctuation before? If not, you might want to check them out! At least you're consistent in killing the flow in any way possible. I'd just like to clarify some terms in case you didn't get them last time. End-stopping is when a poetic line is ended by definite punctuation. Different types of definite punctuation can be a comma, colon, and/or semicolon. As for this term, the one I've been tossing around, yeah?

Enjambment breaks a single sentence into an amount of enjambed lines. This, by definition, is the opposite of an end-stop. Why is this of any importance, you might ask? Making the two work together seamlessly to help the poem flow is important, believe it or not. I want to give a demonstration of breaking the poem up by using enjambment and other forms of punctuation that aren't the period.

Do not leave me alone in this world to fend on my own.
I am not as strong as you and maybe that's why I'm a darker shade of blue.
You are bright and vivid.
You are the soothing scene surrounding the clouds of cotton looking down upon me.
Not me.
I am the one who shoots lightning bolts down.

Do not leave me alone in this world
to fend on my own.
I am not as strong as you--
maybe that's why I'm a darker shade of blue.
You are bright and vivid,
the soothing scene
surrounding the cotton clouds peering down at me.
I am the one
who shoots lightning bolts down.