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Young Writers Society



The Unknown

by hippyhill


She was lost. Lost in a new town, with no knowing which way was forward and which way was back. And still, new town or old town, it was close to sunset and everyone knew what happened when the sun dropped behind the valleys. She had to get home.

Beginning to sprint, faster than she ever thought her spindly legs could carry her, she tore her way desperately through bushes and plants, painfully ripping her clothes and skin open trying to find something, anything she would recognize. Only just after six, and not one single person was left outside for her to stop and ask directions. Why did her parents have to move? They knew the dangers of being lost as well as she did. They knew what would happen if she was caught after the hours of light were over. They knew only to well.

After what seemed like forever, the young girl eventually stumbled across the rusty park gates, gasping for breath. She sighed in heavy relief. She knew the way from here. But she had literally half a minute to get home, and it had taken her almost five minutes to get here. She had no time for relief.

She continued to race down the rocky paths, her shoes scraping along as if she could no longer control her feet. Vaulting down alleyways, shortcutting through peoples back gardens. Turning the final corner she leapt in the air in triumph. Just as the last bit of light disappeared from the sky. She hastily dove in front of her door and frantically scrambled for her keys. She could feel one of them coming up behind her, she could hear his hoarse breath creeping up through the frosty air. With a final attempt her almost numb fingers managed to slip the key into the hole and somehow turned the handle of the door. She surged inside, and slammed the door behind her in his grinning face. Leaning backwards, she panted and gulped for air, her hand still clutched tightly around the grey woven bag she had been carrying all this way. She glanced inside it, just to check, and almost cried out in frustration as she realised every last item in the bag had either broken or ripped as she was running. That meant she would be going back tomorrow. And all her plans would have to be postponed by a day.

The girl strode carelessly into the kitchen, and sat down at the table where her dad, mum and little sister all sat waiting for her.

“Cutting it a little close, aren’t we Jessica?” her dad said, as she began to gobble down her cold beans on toast. She smiled.

“It’s never close enough.”

Chapter 1

“Come on Jessie, don’t be a wimp,” James mocked, pulling her towards the door. “We only have to be outside for a second. Nothing will happen to us. I promise.”

“But they’ll be waiting. You know we’re not allowed out.” Jessie said nervously, biting her nails. James laughed.

“Who will be waiting? There’s no one there. Otherwise we would know who they are.” He insisted, “And if they are there, I’ll protect you. I’m your big brother remember?”

Jessie nodded uncertainly and hand in hand, they began to walk towards the door. As they stepped out into the moonlight, James let go on her hand and spun around on the lawn. “See what did I tell you Jessie? There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Jessie grinned and ran over to join her brother. Together they danced around on the grass, gazing up at the moon they had never seen before in their lives. Everything was so blissful and serene at night, like nothing they’d ever known before. All of a sudden Jessie stopped, and looked curiously along the dark street.

“What’s that?” Jessie asked, pointing down the street at a small glowing light, moving towards them at an incredible speed. James pushed Jessie roughly towards the door.

“Jessie, get inside.”

“No, I’m not leaving. What is it?” Jessie said loudly, and the light began to race towards them. She could hear footsteps. Running footsteps. “It’s not just a light is it?”

James shook his head. His whole mouth had gone dry; he couldn’t move his feet. “Run.” He whispered, as the face behind the light came into view. Jessie didn’t need to be told twice. She spun on her heel and fled inside, keeping the door open only wide enough for James to fit through. She waited there, her breath held in fear, until she could take it no longer. Jessie flung open the door, ready to pull James in but it was too late. James and the man were already gone.

Jessica awoke, sweat dripping down her forehead as she sat up in bed. When would the dreams stop? Not dreams even, nightmares.

She pulled open her crimson-coloured curtains and, gazing out the window, she noticed it was light outside.

It was the middle of summer. The birds outside, perched precariously on their tree tops, were sweltering in the humid weather. Every inch of her body was burning up from the inside. The hottest summer in thirty years they were calling it. But despite the sweat covering her body, and the scorching sun beating down into the room all the windows were closed tightly shut. They always were at night time. And Jessica was shivering.

She rolled over onto her side. What was the time?

Seven thirty.

Jessica hurriedly pulled on a jacket, and ran down the hallway to the room at the end. The only room that had not yet been decorated and unpacked yet. She pushed open the door, to reveal a young boy; about sixteen, perched unmoving on the end of his bed. He showed no reaction, no sign of recognition as Jessica entered the room. He just…sat.

“Hey, do you want to come out with me? I’m going to go down to the park,” Jessica smiled, but the boy paid no attention. He began to sing softly to himself.

“What’re you singing?” she attempted, but still no reply. He always sang. It was that same song, over and over again. It never changed.

She pulled a notebook from her pocket, and began to write down the song words she could make out. She had been doing this for almost a year now. And she still had big chunks in the song.

I’m here, no need to worry

I’m here, no need to cry

Just wait, I’m going to help you

And then _____ _____die

I’m here, just waiting for you

I’m here, are you ______?

Just wait, I’m not _________yet

And don’t take no more away

I’m here, your _____ lady,

I’m here ________ me

Just wait, you need me child

You are here to set us free

I’m here, with all my ,

I’m here, we all are here

Just wait, it’s almost ready

Do not be in fear

As soon as he stopped singing, Jessica ran outside, placing herself on the lush green grass. She looked over the words, as she had done every day since she started writing them down, but they made just as little sense as ever. All the important words were missing. What was she there with? And what dies? Whoever the lady was, Jessica had vowed six years ago to find her. To get utmost revenge. To kill her.

After all, look what she had done to her brother.


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118 Reviews


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Reviews: 118

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Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:53 pm
*Twilight* wrote a review...



This seems like it will be pretty thrilling in the next couple of chapters. I love suspense I think that suspense it key to thrillers because thrillers don't ues blood and gore to keep the people on the edge of their seats they drag out the suspense as long as possible and then BAM! They hit you with a suprise. *sigh* I love it.
Enough with my rant about thrillers. On to the story! I like the fact that these unknown people or things only come out at dark. But I have a question that the story didn't answer: what is the date? Is this story in the past,present or future? That will awnser a lot more questions I have.
My final word: This is a good strong story I like the start and if you keep the mood right it will be a great thriller. If this is not supposed to be a thriller then I apologize it just seems like it should be it has all of the elements.




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798 Reviews


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Sun Jan 15, 2006 10:43 pm
Jiggity says...



I spotted some spelling mistakes and if not corrected I will return to point them out. Otherwise nicely done.

~Jiggy




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14 Reviews


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Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:54 pm
Eyes wrote a review...



Very nice . You create suspense well. It's very good. The only thing I would change , and this is only a suggestion, but I would elaborate more on whats wrong with James. Describe him now in comparisson to what he was like before maybe? I liked it overall though. :D





Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not.
— Elias Root Beadle