Published September 22, 2009
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141,290 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Not a fan of that genre but the lyrics are well suited
I kick myself in the ass when I compare what we consider "Troubles" and "Hardship" these days compared to what they were many many years ago.
I can't say something that has not been mentioned before. The "Breath on" looked like a typo, it should be Breathe however. Um what else... I'd like to hear music to this. It sounds like it could be good. I don't understand what parts are which, but overall it's still a good thing.
Hi, I write songs too. Your song is interesting and I liked it. It made me think of how the music would sound accompanied by the lyrics. Anyway, I say that you should keep writing and inspire yourself. The topic doesn't matter, just write about how you feel.
It would probablybe an acustic pop/rock song.
This is really good. I don't know what kind of song this would be, as in genre, what are you planning, but good luck with it. I think if this was a real song though, I'd add it to my play list and iPod.
I think this is the only nitpick I found, I think I would have to go over it.
"t?" Uh...is there supposed to be a the? Or..what?
Plus all that stuff about breath and breath Hawkie already explained.
But, anyway, it was good! Keep on workin'!
Hi! ^^ Nice song. I'm Hawkie and I'll be reviewing it for you! ^^
First of all: the title. You need to know that "breath" is a noun. "Breathe" is the verb. To illustrate:
Breathe - "She breathed."
Breath- "She took a breath."
So the title should be "Breathe On," not "Breath On," which doesn't make any sense. This also crops up several times in the lyrics, so fix that.
I'd consider revising it as "she is you and me." It involves the reader more.
Your format was a little confusing. I can't tell what part is the chorus, or the verses, or the bridge. Label them more clearly.
Good work! Keep writing.
-Hawks-