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140,777 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hey, hexglass! It's ScytheMeister here for a quick review.
First of all, the layout was unique but in no way at all discouraging. I found that it matched the nature of the poem. Disorganised and modern, it was amazing. Great Job!
In regards to criticism, I really failed to understand the meaning overall being the poem-- or rather, why you chose to associate food with the meaning. At the end, you do state
so the association of food is clearly the introduction to the use of "digest" but again, I fail to see how digestion links into "heat". Perhaps it is just my poetry-deprived mind that fails to understand its ways (I apologise for that lack of experience).
Although, I did very much enjoy the last line, where you included
It was an amazing climax for the poem, her/him accepting the situation.
Great work!
Keep writing! <3
- ScytheMeister
Heya, Herbgirl! Casanova here to do a review for you!
The first thing I'd like to say is just wow, this is leaps ahead of former pieces of yours that I've read, and I was rather impressed and daunted by that fact. It makes reviewing you rather more hard, but I'm up for the challenge. Anyway, to the review!
That was a monster to type out. Anyway, let's start with the beginning. You start this off by saying you are reminded of the time- yet it seems that you're more talking about the present rather than a previous time, and I felt like that was a bit odd? I could have just read it wrong or misunderstood something, but in one sentence you go from a previous stand point to a present standpoint, and I just felt like that was rather off.
The next thing was,"yet brokenness fragment," felt rather off right after saying you chipped your tooth. I think it would be enough to infer it with,"just to chip my teeth," instead of coming right out and saying it in the next part, if that makes any sense? Anyway, onward.
Rather well put, and I enjoyed these lines, so props for that. Anyway, onward.
I think that this is a perfect ending to this, and I can't think of any other way this would work.
All in all I think you have a really good poem here with just a few minor things, and I can't wait to see what else you have to offer to the poetry sections.
I think that's all I have on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
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