((So, wrote this up; pop punk song. Meant to be taken tongue-in-cheek, I guess.))
[marching drumbeat, before bass and guitar riff comes in.]
I wake to the sound of sirens wailing,
Turn on my laptop,
Take out a cereal bar,
Wait for the screen to light up.
Get on the Internet,
Message all my friends,
I guess I could call them that.
Yeah, yeah,
Listen to music I downloaded,
Went out of fashion last week,
Gotta replace it,
Can’t risk someone seeing.
Watch a movie I got from torrent,
Just to drool over everyone’s heartthrob,
I might have signed my warrant but,
Gotta keep up,
Can’t risk falling behind.
March to the beat,
Of somebody else’s drum,
Dance to the song,
From somebody else’s mouth,
Not a trend-setter,
Follow the leader,
Never popular,
No shred of me left,
Zombie! Zombie!
I’m a modern zombie.
I lost seven pounds this month,
But nobody cared.
Slimmed down just to fit in,
But nobody stared.
I know all the tunes,
That the cool kids like,
I love all the cute guys,
On screen or on the mic,
People ask me,
What I wanna do,
But I don’t know, I don’t know,
What’s cool?
March to the beat,
Of somebody else’s drum,
Dance to the song,
From somebody else’s mouth,
Not a trend-setter,
Follow the leader,
Never popular,
No shred of me left,
Zombie! Zombie!
I’m a modern zombie.
Look like everyone else,
Flick through the popular mags,
Try to find a good hairstyle,
With a matching handbag,
I don’t want to show the real me,
She’s so lame,
I’m fine being a zombie,
Being just the same.
March to the beat,
Of somebody else’s drum,
Dance to the song,
From somebody else’s mouth,
Not a trend-setter,
Follow the leader,
Never popular,
No shred of me left,
Zombie! Zombie!
March to the beat,
Of somebody else’s drum,
Dance to the song,
From somebody else’s mouth,
Crush on the boys,
Of somebody else’s heart,
Laugh at the ones,
Who differ from the horde,
Not a trend-setter,
Follow the leader,
Never popular,
No shred of me left,
Zombie! Zombie!
March to the beat,
Of somebody else’s drum,
Dance to the song,
From somebody else’s mouth,
Crush on the boys,
Of somebody else’s heart,
Laugh at the ones,
Who differ from the horde,
Not a trend-setter,
Follow the leader,
Never popular,
No shred of me left,
Zombie! Zombie!
I’m a modern zombie.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I get what you were saying in these, but you need to make how you say it clearer.
This didn't really fit with the rest. You say you did this-and-that and you are this-and-that, where in the rest of the verses (not counting what I assume is the chorus), the ideas are less "I did this, then I did that". Neither are wrong, but you need to keep your style consistent. Otherwise, it throws the listener off.
I like the theme, and I like the chorus.
One last thing: this almost reads like it could be rapped. Just sayin.
well, i don't know what to say. interesting, i guess. confusing, like the other person said. maybe next time not so lengthy, and more on point. other than that, pretty good.
this is good, but i was confused about whether it was supposed to rhyme or not. the begginning didn't rhyme, but the end didn't, and neither did parts of the chorus. but when it did rhyme, it sounded like something i would want to listen to!