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the "throwing up feelings/pouring my heart out" collection

by herbalhour


1. miniscule molecule

did the wolf lay it's wool coat over your eyes?

or are you so ignorant to not notice your downfall?

(you say that you do not care for me, so i said the same thing.)

if you paint yourself as the hero i guess i'll be the villain

(you want me to be mean? then i'll be vile for you, but know it is not by choice it is by obligation.)

i am not hero nor villain in my story - only an onlooker

(and i left my feelings of endearment to subside as you said to-

so i am not at fault for the domino effect that befell you.)

i am not my actions nor am i my words

(stop pretending i am the catalyst and start realizing the err of your ways)

& you say that i mean nothing but we are both made of atoms

(i guess the difference is that i am a supernova and you are an atomic bomb.)

so farewell to what you said to him as i walk away with the truth

(you'll try to stop me but i am a tempest made to be a tornado)

& goodbye to the hatred you held in silent stares across the table

(i used to be a young boy till the reality of the world around me made me grow up.)

i thought that it'd hurt more to relieve this pain but i think that it's a euphoria i lost

(and it's depressing to know that in the end it won't be my story to tell.)

2. the sea, the stars, the subconcious

i've said that i saw what someone had stole

(my subconcious should've knew i said something untrue)

& i know i've sang the same stupid song for some time now

(i missed the signs & submitted to your subliminal messages)

you slink inside my soul like secrets inside sealed ears

(i wish i could block myself out of my mind but i'd see myself sobbing if i did so.)

somehow i knew something like this would happen

(somewhere you'll be laughing at me, i just know it.)

& i swore i said solemn somethings but maybe i've since lost my sympathy

(somewhat silly, no? i know at least i am my own saboteur.)

& i'm sure you'll sing about the actions the ensue my silence

(but who are we kidding? the summers of childhood innocence is long gone.)

3. playing hide & seek & giving me your weekends (& trying to change the ending)

i knew i'd curse you for the longest time about things you never said

(leave me alone in my delusion of the world i crafted by blood & tears)

& i've seen how it ended so why am i trying to undo my scars?

i know how it ends, i know how we end, i know how you end.

(death is inevitable, it comes for dynasties, and it comes for this peace of mind.)

running into your arms & crashing into flower beds & barefoot wading in still water

(i miss it like i miss the lakes and the ocean and being able to see the stars)

& childhood memories that i lost & childlike love that i missed in my broken heart

(if we are romeo and juliet then we will end eventually, and i don't think i like that finale.)

4. until i love once more

until i love once more i think i'll stay this stoic

because i don't want my heart broken

and i don't want to go through what my mind warned me of

(this kind of inevitability is something i dread)

until i love once more please leave my heart broken

because i think that i contradict my moral code

yet i still toy with my heart strings

(and you would never care about what i love because i am heartless)

until i love once more i'll be here rotting at the grave of our love

because i never got over you and you were my everything

if i am a star then you are a galaxy (unfathomable to me)

so until then i think i'll stay here with my thoughts

(& until i live once more i'll hang on to you with everything i have

which is not that much considering i gave you everything i could.)

5. where am i now where am i now where am i now (i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost)

where am i now & how did i get here (do i deserve it? any of it? at all?)

& how do i escape? how do i leave? how do i forget?

(i hate it here, i hate it here, i hate it here, but all i've ever known is here)

and i'm screaming again but you don't hear me, do you? do you? do you?

(am i repeating myself or is this my echo i'm hearing? if it's my echo i don't trust it-

i never have never do never will because it lied to me and what i stood for)

but if i pause i don't think it fixes anything i've done, still lost in my deluge of grief

(where was i then, where am i now, where will i be then when i'm lost? i'm lost. i've lost.)

is this the end? is this the part of my story where i finally get my happily ever after?

(i don't think so, but let me live in my fabricated reality just a little longer.)


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Wed Jun 05, 2024 8:05 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hey Herb :D Ellie here to review one of your lovely poems! Let's get right into the review! I will be reviewing, "4. until i love once more"

until i love once more i think i'll stay this stoic

because i don't want my heart broken


I love the amount of s sounds you use in the first line. Once, stay, stoic. That stood out to me and I love that added touch to make it really sound wonderful. This introduction is simple, but really sets the stage for the overall theme of the poem.

until i love once more please leave my heart broken

because i think that i contradict my moral code

yet i still toy with my heart strings


I really love these lines. The idea of wanting to have your heart kept broken until you love again. Such an interesting, but relatable, concept, asking someone who broke you to remain that way until you can love. But love who? Love them again? Love someone else? How can you find love when you are broken and what benefit does that have to you? And this idea of you being the one to toy with heart strings. love it.

(and you would never care about what i love because i am heartless)

until i love once more i'll be here rotting at the grave of our love


What lovely lines. A heartless person who wants to remain broken by their breaker until they are in love (and perhaps made whole again, somehow). This rotting in the grave is really symbolic to me. Rotting, but alive, perhaps. Hurt, but still going. Not over someone, but it's destroying every piece of who you are. I guess death is sometimes the price of love. Love that idea.

(& until i live once more i'll hang on to you with everything i have

which is not that much considering i gave you everything i could.)


A very interesting ending to the poem. Giving everything you have, which is not much, because you already gave them every piece of yourself. What a beautiful metaphor and image. Very relatable for sure and I love your use of language. Overall, beautiful poem, Herb!! Keep writing :D

Your friend,
Ellie

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Mon Jun 03, 2024 6:37 am
NoOneInParticular wrote a review...



Hello! I saw this work had a grand total of Zero comments, so I thought I’d leave a short review!

From what I can tell you have a very distinct writing style (i.e. no capitals, lines enclosed in brackets every now and then). It feels like a stream of consciousness, or a rant spoken all in one shot (the lack of stanzas definitely contributes to the effect). All five poems talk about (at least in my interpretation) feelings of betrayal (perhaps between former lovers?) and desperation. It makes me feels like the MC wants the other person’s downfall, but at the same time still has an attachment to them/misses the time before. It kind of makes me wonder what exactly the other person did.

For the conciseness’s sake, I’ll refer to the other person as FL, or Former Lover (please don’t judge my names).

miniscule molecule

What I get is that FL somehow hurt/betrayed MC in the past, and now MC is finally getting back at them, saying the entirety of their thoughts and emotions in one dramtic speech. Does that make sense?

I love your imagery, especially

& you say that i mean nothing but we are both made of atoms

(i guess the difference is that i am a supernova and you are an atomic bomb.)

so farewell to what you said to him as i walk away with the truth

(you'll try to stop me but i am a tempest made to be a tornado)


It hammers home the point that both of them are made up of the same things, that their essentially just people, but have achieved different things using what they have (the MC an object of beauty, despite the destruction, the FL a weapon of destruction).

i am not hero nor villain in my story - only an onlooker

(and i left my feelings of endearment to subside as you said to-


This part confuses me. What exactly is it trying to say? That the MC is powerless to change the story? It’s a bit at odds with the rest of the poem, but it could be that there’s something I’m missing. The cut off at “you said to” feels jarring, and perhaps that was intentional? It could use a few adjustments to flow better.

the sea, the stars, the subconcious

I like how you describe the feeling of being manipulated, of losing control over your own mind. It conveys that sense of hopelessnes, of only realising too late (or staying wilfully ignorant). My favourite line was:

you slink inside my soul like secrets inside sealed ears


The sheer alliteration in this line! It feels deliberate, like conveying how the FL was “silent” or “secretive” in their manipulation. (Now that I think about it, the whole poem is filled with “s” alliterations)

I have nothing to improve on for this one. It so vividly conveys how the MC was taken advantage of.

playing hide & seek & giving me your weekends (& trying to change the ending)

Did I already mention I love your imagery? And the comparisons just fit together so well! It beautifully conveys that sense of desperation, of trying to change an ending already written, which could tie into the wilful ignorance I talked about earlier.

i knew i'd curse you for the longest time about things you never said


This line in particular is interesting, as it makes you wonder, just how much of what the FL did was actually fabricated or exaggerated?


And I’m spent! Reviewing five poems in one go takes a lot out of me, so I’ll continue this review at a later time! Keep writing in the meantime, and stay tuned for part 2!

Cheers,
Horizon, or
NoOneInParticular, Really




NoOneInParticular says...


Hello again! After a long and treacherous journey (getting my phone confiscated :c and being forced to do the work that I was procrastinating) I have finally returned with the second half of the review!

until i love once more

It feels like the aftermath of the breakup, when the MC is feeling broken and emotionless, trying to deal with the hurt that they feel. It feels contradictory, but in a good way, as the MC is trying not to fall in love again in case the same thing happens again, but still waiting %u201Cuntil i love once more%u201D. Does that make sense? Either way, it gives the impression that the MC is feeling lost.

I quite like this part:
until i love once more i think i'll stay this stoic
because i don't want my heart broken
and i don't want to go through what my mind warned me of
(this kind of inevitability is something i dread)
until i love once more please leave my heart broken


The repetition of %u201Cmy heart broken%u201D, while at the same time being used in two different contexts and meanings, really encapsulates the idea of being afraid to hurt again, but at the same time knowing that you%u2019re already hurt, still missing the love you once felt.

because i think that i contradict my moral code


My only question is what is the %u201Cmoral code%u201D that you%u2019re referencing? I can%u2019t find any other reference made in the poem, and it%u2019s not something immediately obvious (at least to me), like %u201Cdon%u2019t steal%u201D.

where am i now where am i now where am i now (i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost)

If the previous poem was lost and confused, this is full on %u201Cwhere am i what do i do%u201D panic-attacks. You used a lot of tricolon, which adds to the feelings of desperation after being lost. The poem talks a lot about wanting to escape, wanting to forget it ever happened.

My favourite part was
(am i repeating myself or is this my echo i'm hearing? if it's my echo i don't trust it-
i never have never do never will because it lied to me and what i stood for)


as it just shows how lost and afraid the MC is, that they wouldn%u2019t even trust an echo that might be slightly distorted. I interpret this as the FL having twisted the MC%u2019s words and convincing them to do something morally wrong.

Nothing to improve on here as well. Wonderfully written!

Well, that%u2019s enough rambling for one day! I apologise for the time I took to get part two out (I may or may mot have kept getting distracted). Did I say this was a short review? Whoops (I might need a lesson in conciseness). I hope my feedback was useful to you, your poems were great!. Keep writing, remember to go outside and rest if needed! Have a nice day/night/somehow it%u2019s sunset or sunrise so you%u2019re not sure???

Cheers,
Horizon, or
NoOneInParticular, Really



NoOneInParticular says...


Oh dear. My apostrophes and quotation marks keep getting replaced with whatever %u2019 is. If it%u2019s a bit hard to read, let me know and I%u2019ll pm you the entire reveiw if needed!




I wish literally anything else I ever said made it into the quote generator.
— CowLogic