Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
if i threw up my intestines
poured poison down my throat
cut the airstream to my lungs
and reduced my kidneys to a pulp
if i cut off my tounge,
dismembered both my ears
drank my stomach acid
while breaking apart my pancreas
if i were to preform my own surgery
to my very own brain
all the while i whisper sweet words
as i lie to your face
when i pull my eyes out of my sockets
and break off all my ribs
would i be worth anything
worthy of being held inside your gaze
Wow. This is an incredible poem. I like the gore and the intensity. I really like how you expressed, if going through all this pain, would it make you good enough just for the gaze of your person.
I really liked your poem overall and I think you should write more like this. 
Hello, my friend!
You have an awesome poem here. I feel like you really captured a sense of frustration and bitterness, with perhaps a bit of grief under the layers. The vivid imagery -as horrifying as it is- portrays someone fed up and done with being neglected by the world around them, and asks how far they will have to go to be acknowledged as something worthy --tearing themself apart to find what works, what sticks out.
*Ahem, as for a more technical review, no complaints about content or structure! You nailed the theme and the imagery, and everything flowed nicely. I would recommend a minor grammar touchup, like capitalizing your "I"s and perhaps making new sentences out of the "If I were to..." and "Would I be worth..." lines, and adding a question mark to the end there. Just to help things read more smoothly.
Of course, I am not a professional, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. The poem is great as it is too ~
As for choosing a favorite part, that would be hard! I'm a horror nut with a taste for gore; I loved every line here, how creative you got with it, and that you gave it all meaning at the end with that chilling question.
would i be worth anything
worthy of being held inside your gaze
Simple and sweet poem, very nice!
I feel like there should be a few more punctuation marks as well as with capitalization, but overall it is very unique and I like it a lot!
The poem is nice and descriptive. It is sweet and gorey, a good look in my eyes. And the ending definitely adds to it a lot.
Keep it up!
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
Your poems are always wonderful, herb! So excited to be reviewing your poetry again. This was a gruesome, but very symbolic and meaningful poem. It describes a bunch of acts of harm a person could do to themselves and finishes with the question:
would i be worth anything
worthy of being held inside your gaze
dismembered both my ears
if i cut off my tounge,
if i were to preform my own surgery
all the while i whisper sweet words
as i lie to your face
120,213 Literary Works • 649,116 Reviews
Points: 969
Reviews: 17
Donate