This is a really cool idea for a prologue. It feels purposefully vague, but you can still get a good idea of what the narrator's saying without getting lost or misunderstanding. It's short, but makes readers want more! Everything that a prologue should be.
"Making prophecies through poems, possesing people, murdering thousands. I always took Fate for granted. Now I'm running away from him, the sky painted a twisted red, the world ceasing to be as I knew it. Someday, I might actually reach him. This is a dream I have had since I was 10. Since I was 10, strange things have also been happening in my town. People going missing, weird stenches, words engraved in stones you didn't see before."
I love the use of personification here, and really in every paragraph. It really drives the point to the reader that something's wrong, and the narrator is fully aware of it. By making "fate" a character, it reinforces the idea that it's something that humans can't control/a force that has the potential to do harm. Since the topic of "is fate a real thing" is pretty common, making "fate" out to be a real character is a really fun concept.
There are just a few minor spelling mistakes (not a criticism of the writing itself, just something that may be worth looking into), like the word "possesing" (paragraph 2), which you may want to fix to "possessing", and expirenced" which should be "experienced" (paragraph 3). I know it's just I minor nitpick, but it definitely helps to double check!
"Yet the day renews itself. The corpses were never there they said. I was just delusional. Each thing i expirenced was just a dream. I don't believe them. I saw him. Fate himself, talking to me in my dreams. Like a prophecy that i have to bear. They didn't know, until that day. Where everything I saw happened."
This paragraph was a cool and suspenseful way to end off your prologue. The shorter sentence structures help build suspense and help get across the narrator's frustration, especially compared to the other two paragraphs, where the sentences are more descriptive in nature and help build up to what I'm assuming will be a transition to present day in the next chapter.
These are just a few of the things that I noticed - just suggestions - feel free to give them a look:
- "The corpses were never there they said", could probably be changed to "'The corpses were never there', they said". It might help break up the sentence a bit and get the reader to fully understand what the narrator's saying without having to read over the sentence again.
- "I was just delusional. Each thing I experienced was just a dream." Instead of a period between the two sentences, you may want to use a semicolon; it would keep that same quick-hitting feel from the rest of the short sentences around it, and combining those two would make the paragraph more cohesive, as if the narrator was purposefully grouping their statements together in order to make a point.
- "They didn't know, until that day. Where everything I saw happened." Instead of using "Where" in that second sentence, you could probably use "When", since the narrator seems to be describing a time, and not a place. I might be wrong, and if I am, disregard this particular piece of critique. But, since the sentence before it says "until that day", I get the impression that a time is being described.
Other than those things, I looove where you're going with this. It gives the impression of a psychological horror, which I'm a sucker for, and the rich personification makes the writing as a whole super fun. I'm really excited to see where you go with this narrative! Best of luck!!
edit: I read some of the other reviews and responses after posting and noticed you acknowledging the spelling grammar errors, so definitely just disregard those critiques since I don't want to keep hammering into those mistakes. I love your style, keep writing!!
Points: 106
Reviews: 6
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