Published July 24, 2026
i too, am guilty of this sin.
punish me all you want, no remorse, no tears for the damned-- & still, i am bloodthirsty, & i am constantly ripping out my hair, hoping that if dig deep enough in, i will draw blood. & you know i have undone all my stitches in hopes that they would be reopened; i am to blame for my own undoing. unravel me & all my ribbons, you will see that all that is left are my ribs and my heart, the rest is all for show.
ravish me, i will not cry.
i am rotten, but still, you devour me. from heart to head, no part of me is sacred, & i am not scarce, & while the hand that feeds is the hand that slaughters the lamb, we are all complicit to it. & there is no amount of burning that we may do to cleanse ourselves.
in the coffin, let me sip the baptismal water, if only in solace.
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129,638 Literary Works • 671,509 Reviews
slight edit from my lms thread: sunlit linen & wine-stained fingertips
I love how committed this poem is to using the human body to show pain. The narrator is so self-aware, which makes lines like "i am to blame for my own undoing" hit way harder because they aren't hiding from it. I have always enjoyed this in writing. The word choice is violent and aggressive, especially when they talk about "ripping out my hair" and opening up old stitches, which matches that desperate energy perfectly.
The religious tones are awesome too and totally fit the vibe. Phrases like "the hand that slaughters the lamb" and "sip the baptismal water" add this deep, sacred layer to the whole mess, and the line "i am rotten, but still, you devour me"...holy guacamole...
Hi herb! Been a minute since I was able to review something of yours - so let's dive in!
Ugh, I love your way of writing. Your imagery is fantastic and I always enjoy reading your works. This is no exception! As always, there's room for polishing, but overall another fantastic piece. I'm glad you published it outside of your LMS project! Some comments of where I think you could tighten it up a bit are below.
I can see that the "&" is some kind of motif, but I honestly think it might muddy the water a bit with the repetition. And on that note, that final line of this passage reads a little cliche to me. I wonder how you could shift the imagery to be a little more fresh?
Sometimes leaving the "&" off makes your words so much stronger. I find that superfluous characters or words can get convoluted and prevent you from getting your message across. I believe with these edits, your words are clearer and more poignant, while still maintaining that undercurrent of feeling you had before.
I think for you, a big piece of what is going to help you grow as a poet is forcing yourself to be minimal. How can you say what you want to say with the fewest words possible? How do you trim the fat off your poems to make them rock solid? It is honestly something that I still struggle with and am also still learning - but when it works and I know I've effectively cut out all the extra, unneeded context - it feels so good. Keep up the good work, looking forward to the next one!
xoxo
Sizzle