Snow,
I always wished to see.
Isolated to the North
Far, Far away from me.
I wished at length
To be a cloud
And let the wind's strength
Carry me around to you.
I wondered and wandered, hoping for your touch.
And finally,
the whimsical wind blew
me from my home,
all the way to you
I saw you, after so long
Falling down to the earth like an
Angel
With soft, white wings
I reached out, releasing all the tension.
I shivered excitedly, with you about to land
In my hand.
But, unlike I wanted.
You melted in my arms, unwarranted
Your wings, like wax, collapsed in my passion.
And soon, you became one
With my tears.
Then along came the whimsical wind
And dried up my tears.
I searched the traces of my palms
But it as all in vain.
You were gone.
Snow
I wonder if you're still up there.
I wish someday, maybe,
That you'd come back down,
Just for me
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Ooh, I really like the idea of this poem! I loved the line about the melted snowflake mixing with the tears... and the lines about the 'whimsical wind' --really effective.
I don't know that much about poetry, but here are my suggestions:
Your use of periods is a little inconsistent. For a poem, I think you should either never use them when they're needed or always use them when they're needed. Let's show you a few examples:
^^There should be a period at the end of this stanza.^^
^^And this one.^^
^^There should be a period at the end of the first line.^^
^^There should be a period at the end of this stanza too.^^
Other than that, I have a few little suggestions:
^^I think this would read better as "I always wanted to see."^^
^^The second 'Far' shouldn't be capitalized.^^
^^I think the mention of tension is a little our of place. You never mentioned tension before now.^^
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Other than that, very nice work!
...And welcome to the YWS!!
PM me if you need anything!
~Azila~