In my favour

This is a section from a story i'm writing at the moment. It might not make sense because you dont know the full story and they always say DONT TELL A REVIEWER THE PLOT OF THE STORY BLAH DE BLAH, so if you do want to know the story after you've reviewed then pm me! I don't write fiction all that much, so pick it apart if you want!!

I'm looking for advice on any grammatical errors, i suck at that and also some help on improving my dialogue!

{I have edited using some suggestions! thankyou for those }

thankssss

-Helen x

The boy was seated in a shabby armchair, reading a copy of Great Expectations. I couldn’t see his face; the way that he held the book firmly at the bottom of the cover hid it.

“This is George,” Dawn stated, looking at him with admiration, “He can do awesome stuff with fire; flames literally just come out of his fingertips. It’s amazing.”

The revelation of his power didn’t surprise me as much as it should’ve done. In the past day, I’d met a girl who had super-human strength and a man who could control memories. I was convinced that I’d seen everything now; I thought that if the Earth turned into a giant pink marshmallow and eloped with the moon, I probably wouldn’t be too fazed.

The boy didn’t look up; he didn’t move an inch, not even at the sound of his own name or at Dawn’s obvious appreciation of him.

“George!” Dawn moaned, “You’re so rude. Aren’t you going to introduce yourself to Maria?”

His head snapped up at the sound of my name. He dropped his book to the floor and rose from his seat abruptly, startling me.

He towered over me, at least six feet tall and broad as well. He obviously worked out a lot, biceps clearly visible under his low v-neck black jumper, revealing wisps of dark hair on his chest. His appearance was underwhelming, I expected him to be beautiful just like the others that I’d met. I wouldn’t have given him a second look if I’d passed him in the street.

His face was fairly ordinary, nothing special compared to Roman’s staggering beauty but then again, anybody would seem inferior measured up to Roman. His face was long and chiseled, with a sharp jaw line and high, but masculine cheekbones. Floppy, strands of his dark hair fell over his eyes which were dark pools, like black holes, penetrating mine. His gaze fixed upon my own. He was a perfectly average looking boy, but something about him made me feel uncomfortable, the feeling of menace lurked as he stared at me persistently.

“For God’s sake, George,” Dawn giggled, “stop staring at the poor girl, you’ll frighten her off!”

I breathed a sigh of relief as he finally dropped his hold on my eyes, only for them to remain on me, just not as fixed like before.

“This is Maria?” he said, his eyes darting to Dawn, as if I wasn’t present. His voice was deep and smooth, like velvet.

“Yeah, this is her.” Dawn placed a comforting hand on my shoulder for a few seconds as if it was an obligation, and then quickly removed it.

“What can she do?” George said abruptly, still ignoring me, directing his question at Dawn.

“She can move stuff.” Dawn said plainly. I noticed her raise an eyebrow at George, as if they were sharing a private joke. I didn’t inquire about it, I knew how powerful Dawn could be and I didn’t fancy taking my chances with her.

“Move…stuff?” George looked me up and down as if he was studying me.

“With my mind,” I finally spoke, barely in a whisper, I sounded so stupid. I cleared my throat and spoke again, “I can think about moving something, and it just moves.”

George didn’t look impressed; I supposed that he was so used to hearing about similar powers that a simple ‘Psychokinesis’ trick like mine wouldn’t surprise him.

“Well…” Dawn broke out into a smile, which was too patronizing for my liking, “… you can’t quite control it, Maria. Don’t get too arrogant yet, darling.”

I hated the way she said Darling, it sounded so belittling. However, I reluctantly persuaded myself to ignore it. I wasn’t prepared to end up in an argument with Dawn, I didn’t anticipate the prospect of me winning; she was practically a female Hulk.

“Yeah, well, I know that.” I glanced over at George, standing majestically with arms folded across his chest, his eyes flitting around the room. “But you’re all going to help me learn to control it, aren’t you?” I asked hopefully.

“Don’t count on it.” George muttered quietly, probably louder than he’d intended us to hear.

“Sure we will.” Dawn put her thin, delicate arm around my waist, reassuringly. It was a wonder to me how someone as petite as Dawn could release as much strength as she did. She was so fragile it seemed as if she’d snap into pieces if anyone exerted any force onto her. Of course, that’s if they’d ever get the chance to, I was sure that she could hold her own against even the likes of superman.

“Yeah right, we’ll help you manipulate your power, Maria,” George walked towards me, a sarcastic smile plastered across his face, “for all of our benefits.”

Dawn shot an angry glare at him, almost threatening him with her eyes alone. The look would have terrified me, causing me to stop in my tracks and probably hideaway for months but George laughed in her face.

“Don’t try the hard act on me, little girl.” He smirked and squared up to her, towering over her little frame, “If you play with fire, Dawn, then you’re going to get burnt.” With that, he turned on his heel and exited the room. His pounding footsteps on the stairs echoed around the room as Dawn rolled her eyes at me, entirely unaffected by George’s intimidating words.

“So…” she grinned carelessly, “…that was George.” She leaned towards me and whispered, her cool breath tickling my face, “I think you two really hit it off, huh?” she joked, still beaming at me, acting suspiciously nonchalant.

“Is he always like that?”

“Yeah.” she flapped a hand at me casually. “He’s very...uhh…” she struggled to find an appropriate word, “…his moods are very erratic.”

I prayed that the mood I had just witnessed wasn’t a good one, because I dreaded to see what one of his bad moods would be like. To me, Dawn seemed very quick to defend him, and despite his apparent offensiveness towards her, she took it all light-heartedly. I figured that it was either down to the fact that she liked him, which seemed pretty implausible or because she was just a laid-back person. I didn’t know her well enough yet to decide which.

“You said he can produce fire,” I changed the subject onto George’s ability, “actual flames? Out of his hands?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Dawn smiled, “he’s very useful to us.”

“Useful?”

“Well, not useful as such,” Dawn stuttered, she suddenly looked very exposed, “I mean he’s a good guy to have around us. Just in case.”

“In case of what?” I probed.

Her eyes flitted away from me, scanning the room distractedly. I could see that she was determined not to answer that question.

“What time did Roman say he wanted to see you?” she changed the subject rapidly. I didn’t pry any further, the sound of Roman’s name sent me into a daze, thinking of the smooth contours of his face, deep spellbinding brown eyes, soft honey-colored hair…

“Maria?” Dawn waved her hand in front of my face; I’d obviously been staring into space, “what time are you seeing Roman?”

“Uh...” I could feel my cheeks flushing red, “… about seven, I think.”

“Where’s he taking you?”

“I don’t know yet,” I admitted, “he just said to wear something nice.”

“Do you have anything nice?” she stood back and looked at me. I swiftly felt very self-conscious in my old jeans and plain sweater, standing before her looking effortlessly perfect in a royal-blue satin dress.

“Not with me, I had no idea that I’d be staying here for this long.”

“You do want to stay here, don’t you?” Dawn asked, standing with one hand on her hip.

“Of course I do.” I gushed, “it’s just, my parents…”

“…your parents will want what’s best for you, right?” she interrupted, “this is what’s best for you. Think about it, Maria. Think about how much we can teach you, your parents can’t help you with that.”

“They’ve only just discovered my power, Dawn. They’re going to be really upset if I move out of home, I’m only seventeen.”

“If they love you, they’ll let you.” She stated firmly, her expression grave and serious.

“What about school?” I asked.

“Forget about school” She said rolling her eyes, “what you’ll learn here with us is going to be a lot more important than what you’d ever learn there.”

“My parents won’t let me.” I confessed, sounding more immature than I’d anticipated.

Dawn broke out into a huge smile and put her arm around my shoulders, her grip was too strong, as if she’d never let go.

“Your parents have nothing over you now, Maria,” she grinned at me, “Remember, you’ve got the power to do anything you want. Now, do you want to live with us or not?”

“Of course I do,” I said over-enthusiastically, fully aware of Dawn’s tight clench on me.

“I thought so,” she let go of me and began to walk out of the room, “come on then, let’s raid my wardrobe and find you something nice to wear for Roman.”

Dawn’s walk-in wardrobe was bigger than my bedroom. It was full of bright colored silk, floaty dresses made of satin and muslin. The whole room was erupting with vivid material, the intensity hurting my eyes.

“I only ever wear dresses.” Dawn stated, brushing her fingers adoringly across the clothes.

“I hardly ever wear them,” i said watching Dawn enviously pick up different outfits, holding them up against her tiny body in the mirror.

“You can borrow any one you like,” she smiled, pulling a short, black number off a hanger and brandishing it before my face, “what about this?”

“That won’t fit me!” I looked at the lack of material, especially at its requirement of length. I widened my eyes like a prude.

“Sure it will, it might be a bit short but this is Roman we’re talking about. You want to impress him, don’t you?”

“Is that the only way I can impress him, by showing off my legs?” I raised my eyebrows. Dawn must’ve thought I was incredibly straight-laced, she looked at me like I was deranged.

“Do you want Roman to like you or not?”

“I do, I swear. I just don’t think showing my skin is going to make him like me more.”

Dawn exhaled loudly, “jeez, Maria. You really don’t know men, do you?”

“He’s probably too old for me, anyway…” I confessed.

“…Don’t be stupid!” Dawn interrupted rapidly, “you two will be perfect together.”

I didn’t like the way that she’d interrupted me so quickly, as if she was adamant that I had to be with Roman. Why did it matter to her if I got with him or not? I’d only known the man for five minutes and she was talking about perfection. Of course I was attracted to him, any girl would be but the way she was talking; as if we were destined to be together was just creepy.

“I think I’m just a bit overcome by his good looks,” I admitted reluctantly, “I should be focusing on controlling my power, not getting involved with someone…”

“…No!” she said abruptly, clenching her fists at her side, “you’ve got to be with him. He’s been so lonely, Maria,” a sorrowful look grew on her face, “for all of these years, he’s never found anybody like him. You know, special like him who he could love. You might be the one, Maria. Don’t ruin that for him… or yourself.”

“I don’t know about that, Dawn…” I said softly.

“…not yet, you don’t. Look, Maria, I’ll admit this to you, but don’t let on to Roman that I’ve told you” her eyes opened wide with excitement, “he really likes you. Why do you think he chose you to join us? He realizes your potential, you just need to trust him. He’s a really good guy, I promise. He could be the best thing for you, to further yourself. He knows the most out of all of us about our powers and also, our limits. Why don’t you just let yourself get to know him better. It might just work in your favor.”

She was very convincing, more convincing that I’d have liked her to be. I found myself agreeing before I realized what I was doing. She threw her arms around me in a warm embrace, not too strong like before, making me feel wanted, maybe even loved. Like she said, I wanted answers and Roman was the man who could give me them- it all might just work in my favor.