“He’s the sanest of all of us”

“Go on then,” Rob puffed up his chest arrogantly and cleared his throat, “fucking shoot me!”

Indigo’s finger wavered on the trigger and a surge of terror pounded through me. I glanced over at his face to study his expression. He was deadly serious; I knew that he was contemplating it.

“Rob, stop it!” my voice shook.

“Me?” he turned to look at me, his smug face plastered with a grin, “maybe you should be saying that to the psycho with the gun.”

“I’m not a psycho,” Indigo spoke so softly, that I wondered if I’d imagined it.

“Take a look at yourself, mate.” Rob confirmed my doubts. He took a step closer to Indigo, his arms outstretched and his mouth turned up at the corners into a smirk. Indigo flinched, causing a metallic snap as his finger tightened on the trigger.

“Indigo, please,” I pleaded, “put the gun down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He whispered, his eyes remaining fixed firmly on Rob’s.

I looked over at the door, still ajar from when he had burst in.

The nearest sign of civilization wasn’t too far down the lane, there was a pub probably half a mile or so. I might’ve been able to run for it, I could’ve reached help.

Indigo noticed my twitching eyes.

“Don’t go.” His voice wasn’t forceful, it wasn’t threatening me. He wouldn’t have tried to catch me, or hurt me to protect himself. He wanted me to stay, the undertone of his voice was desperate. He needed me to stay.

“You weren’t thinking of escaping were you, Maria?” Rob snickered.

“I wouldn’t have left Indigo here with you.” I retorted.

A strange sound exited his mouth, a mix of disbelief and humor.

“He’s the psycho and you were scared of leaving him with me?” he laughed, I noticed a slight hint of fear in his voice.

Indigo exhaled quietly. It seemed like the first time he’d breathed for a while, maybe he’d been holding it.

“He’s the sanest of all of us.” My fists clenched subconsciously by my side.

“Stop talking about me as if I’m not here.” Indigo hissed out of the side of his mouth.

“It’s kind of hard to ignore you when you’re holding that thing.” Rob pointed at the gun and tittered.

It was clear that Rob didn’t believe the gun was loaded. I’d witnessed Indigo load it himself, placing each bullet in with care and precision. He was capable of killing Rob if he wanted to. The only person in the room who needed to believe that was the only one who never would.

“Rob,” I reached out a hand and brushed his, “that gun is loaded.”

He batted my hand away and shook his head.

“As if he could load a gun!” he stared into Indigo’s eyes cockily.

“He’s not an invalid!” I shouted, my voice unwavering and louder than I’d expected. Indigo shot me an appreciative glance, I ignored him.

“He’s clearly mental, Maria. Why can’t you see that?” Rob’s smug expression melted and he looked at me intently, expectantly, demanding an answer.

Why couldn’t I see that?

I was clever enough to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out that Indigo wasn’t like anybody else. He was different.

But, unstable? Mental? No. I wouldn’t believe that.

I watched him as he raised both hands to the gun, one to steady it and the other grasping the trigger. His eyes were wide, darting around the room. They met mine pleadingly before fixing on Rob’s with pure menace, staring him out, almost challenging him.

“Why do you not see him for what he is?” Rob probed further, speaking softly as his hand reached for mine.

“Because…” I stammered, “because… for the first time in my life, I’ve found someone who I care about more than myself …and that’s not something I’m used to doing. I look out for number one, Rob. That’s just me, you know that.”

“But…” he started. I dropped his hand and he frowned, his eyebrows knitting together.

“…let me finish,” I interrupted, “I would…and have done things for Indigo that I would never have done before. I’ve put him before myself and risked everything. He’s a better person than I’ll ever be, and I should envy him that. But I don’t…” I stuttered over my words, “…I think I love him for it.”

I should’ve felt stupid about saying that, gushing out all my emotions in one long sensational speech, but I didn’t. Rob wasn’t used to my profundities, he’d never heard me speak about my feelings. His face contorted with anger and I started as he went to speak.

“You love him?” he spat the words out like venom.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“You told Grace that it wasn’t like that. She said that you two weren’t…” his voice trailed off.

“We’re not!” I said quickly, “I don’t mean love in that way.”

Rob sighed, looking down at the floor.

Indigo threw me a glance, his eyes suddenly full of regret. I held my breath as he lowered the gun slowly.

Rob’s head suddenly snapped up and he stormed over to Indigo. In a quick movement, he held the gun up again defensively.

“Have you two slept together?” Rob ordered, his face close to Indigo’s.

I suppose I should’ve guessed that question would be asked some time, but I didn’t want to answer it. He’d always jump to the wrong conclusions, anybody would. Nobody other than me and Indigo would ever understand.

“Rob, please.” I tried to pull him away, but he stood rooted to the ground.

“Have you?” he directed his question angrily at Indigo, an unwise thing to do to a man holding a loaded gun.

“Maria,” Indigo glanced at me for reassurance over Rob’s shoulder. I figured that he didn’t want to answer either.

The old Maria suddenly kicked in and I looked over at the door again. I could escape all of this in one easy motion, all I had to do was run and I’d be gone, away from it all.

“Don’t think about it!” Rob turned and grabbed me by my shoulder, “you’re not going anywhere until you answer my question.”

“You’re the only mental one here, Rob.” I said bravely as he pushed his face close to mine, his breath hot against my face.

“How can you fucking say that?” he let go of me and pushed me away forcefully. I backed against the table for support as my legs gave way beneath me. My heart pounded furiously in my chest.

Indigo dropped the arm holding the gun to his side and walked calmly towards him.

“I slept with Maria last night, Rob.” He admitted.

“What?” Rob turned from me slowly.

“Maria and I. We slept together last night.”

I rushed over to Indigo and grabbed at his arm, trying to do anything to stop him from talking.

“Is this true?” Rob asked me evenly.

My eyes gave enough away, I didn’t have to say anything.

“You’re disgusting!” Rob’s hands balled up into fists.

“It wasn’t what you’re thinking, Rob. It wasn’t out of being in love, or even lust, I promise. It was just… circumstance.” I said truthfully.

“That’s the crappest excuse I have ever heard.”

“It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth.” Indigo’s fingers brushed mine and I held onto them urgently.

“You’re my girlfriend!” Rob said gently, running his hands through his hair frantically.

“Rob, you can’t still believe that.” Indigo tightened his grasp on my hand, “ I ran away for a reason…”

“…so you could be with him!” he flapped a hand in Indigo’s direction.

“No, that’s not right. Indigo’s a friend,” I said honestly.

“Oh you know what, Maria,” Rob inhaled noisily, “go fuck yourself… or him! Whichever you want.”

He turned to walk away slowly and left the room, dragging his feet and swinging his arms like a toddler having a tantrum.

When he was gone, Indigo pulled me to him in a hug as my heartbeat slowed finally.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered into his chest.

He pushed my hair out of my eyes and looked down at me absorbedly.

Without warning, the door flung open again as Rob kicked it and he stormed over to us pulling apart our embrace. He held Indigo by the collar as he drew back his hand in a fist and lunged towards him.

“I’m not giving up that easily, you deserve this at least.” He spat as he punched Indigo repeatedly, the crack of a broken nose echoing through the room.

There was a lot of blood as Indigo fell to the ground. Rob kicked him as he was down, each blow driving into him as he cried out in pain. I ran to Rob, each failing attempt of pulling him away knocking me onto my back.

“Maria, go!” Indigo cried out, indicating the open door, but I wouldn’t.

Then I noticed the gun.

It was lying on the floor a few meters away from Indigo, where he’d dropped it as he went down. Before I could make sense of what I was doing, it was in my hand. It’s smooth metal soothing my skin, letting it know the power I had to stop all of this. I directed it towards Rob, my arm surprisingly resolute as I held it out before me. My finger traced the contours of the trigger, watching Indigo writhe as Rob smiled to himself at every strike.

The gun’s force pulsated through my body as the trigger pulled beneath my fingertips. The pounding of my heartbeat overthrew the sound like a firecracker as Rob fell backwards, his eyes open in shock.

Then came two unwelcome things.

The silence and my realization.