Published March 15, 2005
Orange fleaks of water
drip down my bloody nose,
touching the sky
and holding the moon,
Ripping jaguars
slinking spots
bats in caves with jagged edges
spinning clocks
with heart-shaped thougts,
cloudy spirals
and
sharp edged knifes
cutting into
drops of sadness.
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141,380 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
RANDOMNESS, BABY!
and i thought i was the only one...duh dun dunnn. Although, I have to sort of agree with Dusky for somethings. Like, what does a bloody nose have to do with jaguars? You jump like that a lot, and it's mucho confuzzling.
Other than that, apart from the way you presented the poem, the words that you actually wrote were really good.
Well... I'm in a word: lost. There's not enough here for me to form any sort of mental picture of the images that your describing. As soon as I find a piece that I might be able to see in my mind, it doesn't fit in with the next line, and I'm left scrambling for something else that can match the entire poem, not just one line. In my opinion, it needs more of a explanation within the poem, of what it is that you're saying, of how all these seemingly random things are linked together.