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by hekategirl

Swirling wind,
Chirping birds,
Sounds indescribable for words,
Sitting lakes,
Rustling trees,
Sweeter honey made from bees,
Soft earth,
Light air,
More beautiful then a chestnut mare,
Golden water,
Fun guests,
More fragile then a birds nest,
God gives us many gifts
but the gift of life is best.

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Sun Jan 23, 2011 3:31 am
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cllouty says...

Good job.
it could use some better meaning

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Points: 1040
Reviews: 3

Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:47 pm
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xxbwiismexx wrote a review...

I think the rhymes are beautiful and it gives such a powerful message. Though I feel that the flow was choppy and a bit random at some lines. Also, the third and fifth lines don't seem to fit very well with the meaning of the poem. Who exactly are the fun guests?

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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:14 am
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lilbluejay says...

I loved this, it had its own way of flowing together, the one thing I would change is the part when it says "Fun guests" I just don't think it fit, it didn't flow with the rest of the poem. Great work!

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111 Reviews

Points: 3354
Reviews: 111

Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:28 am
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Kwantack says...

This is very interesting...the flow is very unique too. You use a lot of commas...I'm not sure if that's good or bad or what. This has potential...but it could use some work. A few drafts couldn't hurt in the slightest. Don't give up. Keep writing.

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665 Reviews

Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Wed Feb 09, 2005 9:22 pm
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Chevy says...

Heh...well, I liked this...but not a lot. However, I must admit that your ability to rhyme and keep the rhythym going is really good--and I admire that, because Lord knows I can't do it,lol. But it was a pretty okay poem.

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1259 Reviews

Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Wed Feb 09, 2005 8:54 pm
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Firestarter wrote a review...

I really liked this, it was well-paced and easy to read.

You spelt 'indescribable' wrong in the third line.

However, I believe you should split the last line like so -

"God gives us many gifts
but the gift of life is best."

And it reads a lot better.

Good job.

Books give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything
— Plato