Published August 12, 2005
Prologue
This story starts in a time of no time and a place of nowhere, where the whole race of people are blobs of nothing and you can tell them to do whatever you want, they were cups on their hands for protection and always smile.
They have no different sexes they are just one nothing.
These are Grays.
Their is also a great one who's name they do not speak, he is not a thoughtless blob but Alive like people in our world and time. He can transmit this Life to anyone he chooses, so he did.
He gave 10 Grays Life and made them the rulers of this timeless nowhere, these are Highers: Higher Bishop, Higher Keen, Higher Yan, Higher Jerome, Higher Seth, Higher Stone, Higher
Diction, Higher Weet, Higher Den and Higher Cath.
They are all male.
They ruled this nothing almost effortlessly, they told what the Grays to do and they did them; Some Grays they just told to sleep and stay out of trouble, some they told to work, some they told to play games, and so on and so on.
But they weren't cruel, they made sure the Grays had some kind of shelter and some kind of food, the food they called Screep, its basicly whatever the Highers don't want, vacuum packed and artificially colored and flavored.
The houses were small and cramped and only had one window, one bed, and a few cupboreds that the Highers filled with things to keep the Grays amused but unless they told them to fool with the things the Grays just stood in the middle of their houses with cloudy eyes.
So they went on and on like that for timeless years and countless days.
Until one day a Gray got Life.
(I have alot more written but wanted to know what you guys thought of it before I posted it, this is also my worst part, I would like some help!)
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this was a pretty interesting piece to read. It was certainly something that I have never encountered before so points for a very new idea. And its also pretty interesting. I definitely really like the premise behind all of this. And the story itself while sounding like a fairy tale did flow quite nicely and was definitely a nice thing to read.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy....not the clearest of starts there saying "no time" and "no where". I don't really see what this is trying to say because saying there is nothing kind of defeats the point of something being there because if there was a blob there has to be something there not nothing at all. And I think even I don't what that sentence means.
Okay now its starting to sound like some kind of fairy tale of sorts. I'm not sure what sort of fairy tale but it definitely is giving me serious fairy tale vibes.
I think you accidentally pressed enter at the wrong place there. This does also seem like a really long list that is just a straight up list of dudes the flow is feeling very clunky at this point.
Yep this is definitely like a science fictionalized retelling of a fairy tale about a world being created or something like that.
Well I would have read that. Although I suppose you never did actually publish more or maybe you did and I will one day run into it. Oh well I suppose I will eventually be able to see what this is about.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was one of the first few things that I have read today that is not depressing and that is a big plus for this story. The ending was wonderfully cliffhangery and I would love to run into more someday. And the overall flow was smooth, and I could understand what was happening fairly well. So overall a fun little piece to read.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Welcomeness!
I liked how you made up the names of the Highers. I don't know, the way you put it reminded me of Abarat...you know, the Johns? Hehe. God, I love weird stories like this. SPIFFY!
Yeah, this is my first story in a while so I think I used 'blobs' in kind of a metaphor poem sense, so i'll have to work that out. Thanks!
This is uber-spiffy.
'They have no different sexes they are just one nothing. '
That's a bit clunky. And the word 'sexes' makes people just go 'Woah, okay, I missed something, if there's sex in the first two sentences of the book'. Maybe, 'There's no diversity, just one nothing.' The 'they' and 'one nothing' clash and also make us go 'Huh?'
' its basicly whatever the Highers don't want, vacuum packed and artificially colored and flavored. '
Sounds like a Capri Sun bottle. Try: 'It was basically whatever the Highers didn't want, vacuum packed and artificially colored.' I thought the grays were blobs, so how could they taste? (that's also a bit confusing too, might wanna work that one out.)
Those are the only things I caught. Yummy yummy in Sam's tummy!