Published March 12, 2006
arched across the gallows pole the writing of my name,
do not leave the ecstasy of what so long ago-
Listen
the pixies whisper words of warning
to whoever wanders near
turquoise flies and jagged edges
no
do not fear
let me stumble through the bramble of what memories
I cease to to see
Tyger, tyger
burning bright
in the forests of the night
There have been whispers
more then whispers
of my- treachery-
love-
death.
OK, what do you think?I changed the ending, I din't know if it's any better though.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,408 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
i'm unsure what to make of this poem
it's different...
theres a couple of spelling mistakes...maybe this is a new approach to poetry i dont know. i didnt catch the flow, but it seemed pretty good.
Darn spell cheaker when it spelled ecstasy for me it capitilized it. Yeah, I know it it desearves a better ending, I'll try to help that.
i liked the incorporation of the poem "Tyger, tyger" - i am unsure who it is by, but I am certain I've read it before. The rhyme/rhythm in this section is considerable well handled:
only one definite correction:
ecstasy should be lowercased, no?
i didn't really get this ending. all in all, the poem was beautiful and airy - almost ethereal - but the ending...ehh. i think it deserved better, but i'm not exactly sure how i can phrase it. sorry.