Published March 8, 2011
that day you gave me roses
but later, left them and my love to die::
for the longest time my world was darker
than a moonless december sky::::
those pointless,endless hours spent wondering ...crying....
i always thought your love & lust for me... would be undying::
always trying to figure out were it was i went wrong?
how i thought it was all perfect,for that damn long:::
clearly i was mistaken... & obviously you had other plans::
involving leaving me lost in love...
with a ghost of what i thought was a man..
i dont know how i let you get away ::
with my ever so fragile heart...
how u manipulated...lied,so evil and vile....
its was like a form of art..
i cant even imagine the things you've yet to do...
[[ soon to be broken lovers to come ]]
i can almost see their still beating hearts being split
youll beat the laughter out as if the soul is a drum
stealing faith,hope..& dreams..
just as you did mine
lifeless....dull....uncertain...sad ...
all that is left of a soul that once did shine...
heartbreaker.....hope taker....when you left you left me here to die....
so consider my love to be your roses...
dead...
sorry you never got to say goodbye
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
First off I just love the metaphors! Is this poem made from an experience with a dumb boyfriend/girlfriend? I like how you interpreted the hurt and rage that the narrator felt. It was just captivating!
But I have a couple nitpicks. So while you do the massive amount of periods like:
You are suppose to do only three and put spaces between them to create an ellipse like: . . .
A question I have to ask is why did you have colons at the end of a line like:
I didn't quite understand that. And (I think this was just a typo) the i's weren't capatalized. You just had a couple grammatical errors that was all. Otherwise your writing was powerful and really stood out. If you took care of these couple errors your writing would really grasp the reader with a higher intensity than before. Keep wring 'cause you have some great potential!
-T
Hi Heather that was a good poem, it feels like throughout the poem your emotions overweight your reason, and it's wonderful and so impressive, it seems that you really know what you're speaking about!!!! of course you can improve your rhythm, but still I like it!!! keep on writing!!!