A moment when all things stop is what I'd like to see.
A moment when all pain is gone
And everyone is free
Where no one is too busy to listen to a word
Where everyone is yeilding
Were everyone is heard
Where no fights are ever started
When no pain can come to be
When a single tear can't drop
And smiles are all they'll ever see
When everyone is content
And everyone can see
What truely people are
And how that's came to be
When no judging can occur
When no hearts can be hurt
And when everyone is how they are
And everyone can see
This is how they really are
And this is who they'll always be
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Thank you all! (: I like your ideas, and hope to fix what needs to be! Thank you soo muchhh! (:
This is a poem that almost everyone can relate to and understand. Its simplicity and directness are what give it its draw, but for me they were also its biggest weakness. Everything was stated outright and there was very little in the way of poetic language. You have a cute poem as it is, but if you want to elevate it to something higher than that, try using imagery and metaphor to show your point. If you can make this more poetic while maintaining its clear, relatable tone, you'll have an excellent piece.
Keep writing. I enjoyed it
Hey, well done, i think this was really good! I tried to write a poem like this once but it failed unfortunately ;( Yours didn't, though! I liked the subtle repetition and ryhme. Overall it flowed quite well!
Hello there!
I liked this, it was sweet and simple. At first i wasn't all into the repatision, but by the end it just fit.
A place like this would be lovely, but really, I wonder if ever there will be a such a place. I dont think there ever could be...
Here are my little comments:
Red- Grammar mistakes
Blue- Things that are my opinion
Haha thank you! I put all the period and commas on...but when I copied & pasted it, it didn't seem to work. But thank you! (:
Hi, Hayley10019.
I'm Freak.
I like this piece, it's relatable and cute. But every good piece needs a little editing. Nitpicks:
Most mistakes involved commas and periods - punctuation - but good job. Write on and PM me for anything.
~Freak