Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Hello, hello. I'm currently writing a new book called Sweet Nothing, I had an idea and in the heat of the moment, I decided to turn it into an extract just so that I didn't forget it. I haven't written in what feels like forever so I just want some honest reviews and critiques that can help me get back into writing.
*This is not a chapter and its also not the start of the book. Just an extract.
Extract 1 – Sweet Nothing
*Paxton is Amanda’s adopted child.
Paxton paced up and down the almost empty room, combing his fingers through his soggy brown hair.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He mumbled, through his tears. He turned towards the wall, clenching his fists, ready to take his anger out on something other than himself.
A key turning in the front door made his head snap towards the sound. He didn’t have a second to think before the door opened to reveal Amanda*. He quickly brushed the tears away from his eyes, but not quite quickly enough.
A look of concern spread over her face as she noticed his sore eyes.
“Hey honey, what's wrong?” she queried, shutting the door behind her quickly.
“Nothing, I’m good.” Paxton managed, forcing a small smile.
She shrugged her coat off, hanging it on the edge of the stairs, before starting towards him. As she reached him, she reached her hand up to his face, about to brush a tear away from his cheek. His head jerked back as he felt her fingers touch his face, making him slap her hand away.
Hurt flashed across Amanda’s face. “You’ve been crying?”
“No!” he replied harshly, turning to walk towards the kitchen, eager to get away from her burning questions. Instead, she followed closely behind him.
“Come on Paxton, you haven’t cried in forever.” She pushed.
“Like you’d know.”
“Mothers always know. C’mon, talk to me.” She reached out for his arm, hopeful. At her touch, Paxton felt anger course through him, it seemed like the anger he was trying to direct away from himself was about to be directed to this woman.
“For fucks sake, Amanda! You’re not my fucking mother!” Paxton raged, spinning around to face her.
“Paxton listen to me.”
“No!” He pushed past her starting towards the front door, his anger was clouding his vision, he felt as though he could barely see.
“Paxton, do not speak to me like that!” Amanda shouted after him from her place in the kitchen. A wicked laugh escaped his lips, stopping him in his tracks, he placed his hand on the door handle, turning his head to look at her.
“Don’t pretend like you want me, my real mum didn’t but neither do you, I heard you on the phone when I was little and I still hear it now, telling people how much hard work I am. Yeah, real mother material.”
Amanda’s face turned pale, “Paxton, I love you, I love you like you’re my son, you are hard work, but I still love you.” Tears lined her eyes, as she folded her hands together against her stomach, “I just don’t know how to deal with it.”
“Do not pretend. Do not fucking pretend!” he yelled, jabbing his finger toward her. She swallowed before dropping her head.
Damn it, Paxton, that’s two people you’ve made cry in the past hour.
He gulped down his guilt before he opened the door and headed out into the cold air, slamming the door behind him.
Walk away, Paxton, like you always do.
End of chapter
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137,609 Literary Works • 672,052 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! It looks you joined recently so a late welcome to YWS!! Hope you enjoy your time here!!
First Impression: Alright so this is a pretty interesting extract. You're really picked a rather fired up scene here and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Even this tiny bit tells you quite a lot and seems to hint at quite a lot having happened already here to say nothing of little bit of backstory that slip in too.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well we're definitely not jumping into a particularly calm part of the story here judging from that. We've just gone and dived straight into what seems to be a bit of a warzone here and I'm very excited to see what more can be gleaned from this here.
Okay well definitely quite an emotionally charged moment there by the looks of it. The way he appears to be trying to reject whatever concern is being shown of course ends up making things look even more suspicious here. This extract is definitely making me want to now more about the book itself here.
Okayy that was quite the interesting exchange. Of course we don't really have enough background to know if this person is the actual mother or well there's a whole lot of situations that could lead besides the obvious one where Amanda actually is the mother. Either way we've now get yet another dimension of things to think about and I am loving that.
Okayy well that tells us a bit, at least I think so because this seems to imply that Amanda here is actually Paxton's adopted mom. The little jab there from Paxton also tells us a bit about what that childhood may have been like although of course given just how charged this situation has been its tough to say if this is really how Paxton truly feels about Amanda.
Oooh love the little bits of thoughts there. I think that immediately just ended up explaining so much more about this than any of the other parts so far managed to. I am loving the vibe coming off that particular section. Quite an explosive point to end this extract as well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this has proven to be a pretty interesting read here. I think I will be headed over to take a look at the two actual chapters posed too, it seems like we've got quite a few interesting things happening here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thankyou for this review! This really means a lot!
You're Welcome!!
I really like this extract of a story. I’ll be sure to read the actual story if you post it. I like how you described Paxton getting increasingly angry with Amanda when she shows concern for him, because he sees her as someone who is trying to trick him. The only thing I would point out is that you say ”reached” twice. You could say ”As she approached him, she reached her hand up to his face”. It’s not that important, though.
Other than that, this was really amazing and I’m excited to read more!
I wish you a lovely day/night.
Thankyou! I'll make sure to fix this!
You%u2019re welcome!