Living The Now (Prologue)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sometimes you don’t know why things happen. You spend a lot of time thinking about reasons. You wonder why you were born as a boy or a girl, would it be different if you weren’t what you are? You wonder why you do or don’t have a sibling.

But if there’s one thing you wonder the most about, it’s the people in your life. You wonder why one particaular person became your best friend. You wonder why someone else became your enemy, and that’s when your mind goes, seriously God? You couldn’t find someone else to ruin my life? Did it have to be this jerk??

Yes, you have questions like that, and many more. But you don’t have answers. I know that I never have these answers. I’d given up on even registering such stuff in my mind. But then circumstances changed. People changed. Some came, and others left.

Now , as I’m surrounded by so many people, I automatically glance at the picture in my hand and think, Why did I meet Daksh Saigal?

Very good opening!! No joke! This really begins something epic!

Hi Harshita!

This is an incredibly short prologue! Even though you're writing a prologue it really should be the same length as the rest of your chapters. If you can't work the prologue to be as long as your chapters, perhaps see if you can elongate this to a page at least, so that we have some real meat to sink our teeth into.

Your prologue is your hook. The very first thing your reader will read and the first thing that will endear or dissuade him from reading. "Sometimes you don't know why things happen" is an okay beginning. It isn't stunning but it isn't the worst opening line I've ever read either, and that's saying something. "You spend a lot of time thinking about reasons" is just boring. We need something to pull is in, your prologue needs to shout "Read Me!" right now it's saying "Oh if you must continue".

I think you could easily, and perhaps should, begin with what you currently have as your last line. It's a strong last line, and could be a strong first line too. It is immediate and full of action. From that point you could describe Daksh and the narrator and contrast them, or compare them. Or just talk more about the immediate surroundings of the speaker. There are lots of people around, right now or in terms of his friends? I feel like Daksh is dead already, because of the sombre tone. I can't tell if I think that's a good thing or not, that I think one of the main characters is dead already. If he isn't dead, it will be a nice surprise. If he is dead then this will be a very predictable story, it seems!

I hope the more you write the clearer your focus will become, because right now it is muddled. Again, this might be because this is so short, but you definitely have a lot of useless ramble in the middle. Much of this piece is pointless chatter about questions and answers, things which could be clearer and more succinct. Not all writing needs to be succinct, but your profile should tell us something without making us growl for it. When you clean this up it will be even shorter, please try to consider what you could fill this in with instead. If your answer is 'nothing' then you don't need a prologue at all. Most stories, in fact, don't need a prologue.

Thank you for the read. If you have any questions, queries or want to chat, please hit me up!

~Pen.

Hey, Harshita! Here to review for you. :3 

First off, this may not be my longest review to date, as I don't have very much to talk about. Just a little bit of input, and I think I'll go paragraph-by-paragraph here. 

Your opening paragraph wasn't too bad, but it wasn't great, either. In my opinion, it sounded a bit forced. Sort of like you were trying really, really hard to sound all deep and philosophical, and when you try that hard, it shows in your writing. It sounded more like prattling to me, and the "wonder why you do/don't have a sibling" (not the exact wording, I know, just referencing the sentence ) bit sort of turned me off completely. I'm not sure why- just seemed a bit silly, I suppose? 

Now, the first paragraph needs to be a hook. It needs to pull your reader in, and trying to be deep and thoughtful isn't the only way to do so. One thing I would actually suggest is that you move at least a part of your action (from the last sentence) to the beginning. I mean, that's just me, and it's your own work, so you do whatever you please with it.  

Your second paragraph seemed... well, it was a sweeping generalization. It isn't personal to the character, and I didn't feel myself being drawn in by it. It was mostly just the opening sentence: 

[quote]But if there's one thing you wonder the most about, it's the people in your life.[/b]

Note where I bolded/italicized. These are the phrases that bothered me. Something about the assumption that the most considered point in every person's life is the people they've met irritates me. It's more of this trying to be deep, but it comes off as forced, again. Might wanna look that one over. ;3 

The third paragraph is basically the same as the second paragraph. I don't like the generalizing. It almost makes it seem impersonal, and it was probably supposed to be personable. Again, that's quite possibly just me, but I'd take it into consideration, juuust in case. 

Your last paragraph, as I said before, is the first action. My personal opinion made me feel inclined to not-like that very much. In this particular piece, I think it would flow better and be more hooking if the action came first. I did like the thought on the end, however. That's the part that, whereas the first sentence of the prologue would make me feel inclined (or not) to read the prologue, the last sentence of the prologue would probably be what makes me want to read the first chapter. 

That last line? It made me want to read the first chapter. So props to you.  

Anyway, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to shoot me a PM! 

Good job and keep writing, 
-Isha