I sort of ignored this when it first came out, but I decided to revisit it to see what was happening. And while it wasn't entirely impressive, it did show that the author was very intimate with the topic at hand, and therefore I quite enjoyed it despite its flaws. I do, however, suggest you put it through a spellchecker, as there seem to be some mistakes in the whole of it. I'll mention some, but I'm not a spellchecking sort of guy, so I won't focus on that too much.
The Beginning
Who knew sari was a thing, till my special day arrived.
I don't entirely understand what you mean when you say "was a thing". Did the protagonist not understand what a sari was before her mother gave it to her? Did the protagonist think the sari just wasn't important anymore, and therefore wasn't a 'thing'? I feel like you could've built your description a bit on that, as it didn't seem too clear. Maybe "Who knew the beauty of the sari, till my special day arrived?" Not entirely accurate, either, but it's just a suggestion.
The Ending
It was the wearing of a sari that I realized, I finally turned into a complete woman from just a girl. Now, I knew my responsibilities and held the courage to fulfill them. This sari taught me what the world couldn’t and had such a great impact on my mind that now I knew the importance of decency mixed with elegance.
Your language is a bit stunted and strange. For example the italicized and the bolded lines aren't necessarily wrong, it's just that they look weird when read out. I would've said "It was by wearing the sari that I realized" and "Turned from a little girl to a full-grown woman." It just seems to flow better. Also, the underlined 'knew' is supposed to be 'know'. Grammatical error.
Main Criticisms
-Again, I feel as if you could've used a bit of the spellchecker in this case. I've read up a lot of works recently that feel like they were translated from Google Translate, and I just don't think they didn't put much thought and effort into the work to put it through Grammarly or some other spellchecking device. It's just a small thing, but it makes your writing seem much better.
-I wish you described the tradition of the sari with more detail. This is supposed to be such a beautiful moment for our protagonist, but there weren't any personal anecdotes, no beautiful descriptions to help the audience feel the way the protagonist is feeling--it's all just vague descriptions of what a sari does and how to wear it. You seem to be intimate with how to wear a sari, so why don't you describe in terms of its tradition? Of the respect one might gain if one wears a sari? Of what the patterns might represent? Just a suggestion.
Take care,
--Elliot.
Points: 19607
Reviews: 383
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