MY BABY GIRL

Here I am for a review!
Awww, this poem's first lines are really sweet...
But, I dont like the use of capital letters. And don't shorten "you" to "u". This is rather annoying to see. The rest of the poem seems very childish, you could use better words and express yourself more clearly.
Anyway, that is all I am saying, because you already have like a zillion reviews.
Happy writing!

Hiya there. Pastel here for a hopefully helpful review full of rambling! This review will be a bit more biased than my others, so feel free to ignore this.

While I did enjoy this poem word wise, the formatting was something I wasn’t too big of a fan of. It really caught me off at first glance and I had a bit of trouble reading it, as most poems I read are usually not capitalized at all, or use the capitalizing format I’m using for this review. I get if you were trying to get your poem to stand out, but I don’t think this was the best way to do it. All caps bring off an angry vibe, and adding that will this generally soft vibe you have here...doesn’t mix very well.

This also triggered my inner Grammar Nazi quite a bit. I understand if you text like that, but shortening the “you”s and the “You are” in writing is...annoying, to be honest. It gives off a lazy vibe.

There was a line that confused me a bit:

“U R SO PRETTY BABY: PLEASE BE MINE”

What it was trying to say didn’t confuse me - but the colon right in the middle of the line caught me off, since there is literally no other form of punctuation in this poem.

Well, this is the end of my review, hope I wasn’t too harsh! Cheers!

- Pastel

hi harsh1997! shane here for a quick review!

overall, this is pretty well written poem. i like the symbolism you used. well done!

my two biggest critiques are the shortening of the word "you" to "u" and the use of capitalization.
as for the "u" thing, i'd just advise that you change those to "you."
as for the capitalization issue, i suggest changing it so that it is capitalized like a sentence (or something to the likes of one). this is because all caps tend to represent shouting. shouting, especially in a poem, indicate an angry-ish feel.

all and all, i love the passion and loving-ness in this poem. fantastic job!.

~shane

Hello! This is my first review so bear with me...

Overall, I love the special meaning behind your poem, and your expression of love to your "baby girl". Your poem is very sweet and truly expresses the fondness you have for the intended person. I especially love your line "I WILL LOVE U LIKE OUR LOVE WILL FOREVER SHINE"

A few suggestions, though. The all capital letters thing (for lack of a better term), throws off the mood a lot in my opinion. A soft, lovey dovey poem, being expressed with caps, which generally express anger or shouting in writing, just seems off. The grammar is a bit off, though i won't nitpick. The only other thing I'd really like to suggest is fixing the text chat "U R" etc., to spelled out words. For the same reason I feel like it shouldn't all be in caps- it really throws off the mood of the poem.

Again, I truly love this poem and it's meaning especially. You can tell by your words that she means a lot to you. Keep writing!

-KatjaDawn

Hello! On behalf of everyone here, we wish you a warm welcome to hopefully a successful career in the writing/reviewing hobby. I'm here to review your piece entitled 'MY BABY GIRL'

First of all, on my sweeter side, the poem is an expression of love for this individual which appears to be both a personal and positive feeling of affection. Reading it through the first time, it's an absolute nightmare having to read all the words as if the person is shouting, this is due to the (unnecessary?) capitalisation that I can't figure out why you used it. The use of 'slang' in this poem makes it appear to be more casual, possibly because of the college theme, but should be avoided as it presents a sense of laziness to the piece.

Now usually my reviews should stay completely positive, especially for someone who is new to the game, but it would be better for me to help you/ give you improvements so that way you can implement them into your next piece.

I wasn't completely blown away from the poem, it was subtle, though I don't want to force this feeling of expected endearment towards the theme. The lack of commas is concerning, it really ruins a message when the grammar isn't at least 95% correct overall. ---->

Generally the readers will speed up when getting an early sense of the poems flow, so you may think it's unneeded to add that pause, but someone may misinterpret the sentence and just read ahead. It isn't a massive deal though.

What is a massive deal is the layout of some of the sentences, for example

"PROMISE I BABY PROMISE DO I" - Promise I baby? That doesn't make sense.

"AND THERE UP SHE GOES" - This just sounds wrong, experiment.

"LIKE THE CORK IT'S WINE" - Needs a pause, sounds a bit weird as well.

Etc. Get rid of the word 'BIG' in the first line, it doesn't feel right to have this extended opening and then go onto 'with a crown' - experiment.

I don't want to completely rip this poem apart so i'll end now with a final 'well done'. It seems like in my review the negatives outweigh the positives, but I didn't really expect much from your debut piece at all. The most important thing about this all though is to keep on writing, keep on reading and keep on improving!

PenmanshipPriority

Nice poem!!!

Thanks for sharing this special expression of your love. I like the part about the baby girl lighting up a moonless night and how small she is compared to the town. I misunderstood the poem as that of a parent for a daughter. Actually, had I not read the explanation below the title that tells me you are referring to a girl in college I would assume that is what the poem is about. I guess some poems can work both ways.


Suggestions

The capitalization of all letters is very distracting. Also,capitalizing all letters is considered shouting. So I would write the poem in the regular way to avoid distracting the reader and making reading the poem very hard. Also distracting is the use of “U” “R” for “You are”. The reader wonders why it is preferred and it takes the mind off the message. It’s like a classical guitarist doing a summersault in the middle of the performance.


"big" and "huge" seems like a redundancy.

This is really sweet, pretty beautiful if you ask me. It reminds me of some old poems I've seen while web-surfing some book quotes, haha.

My critique, (if you want to call it that, on your poem is the grammar....?) Everyone makes mistakes, Oh god do I know that much, but was the "u's" intentional? I read over a small pose in the message and notification section that said this website were real sticklers, for grammar. In future posts I think you would want to avoid, "texting-language". I believe this rule is in place because face it, your every-day average book doesn't have things like, "lol", or "ttyl" in them. They keep it exactly how you'd see it in a dictionary.

I also got slightly confused around the "DO NOT STOP HER LET HER" line since I could not feel the flow throughout that one line. That's probably only me since I'm not the -poem- writer.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not contradicting my first sentence, but I do believe you should try to avoid that in the future.

Overall, the poem itself itself is beautiful and has a good flow.