Published June 20, 2011
Living in Sorrow
I am ready when you are
To meet you, that is
To tell you I love you
And thank you for saving me
You’re so beautiful
Deadly you are
Give in to the cold
And forever be free
I hold the blade steady
Close I am
Drive it home
And welcome the scorching pain
Burn, let it all burn
Body and flesh
The scent fills the air
And you waver in the presence
Alone I will be
But I'll never look back
To my sorrowed nightmares
And my everlasting agony
To the world of the living
Living and drowning in pain
You’re born dead
And die alive
A body is worth nothing
Nothing to my soul
And my soul is the key
To shatter it? Never
I loose my humanity
I rip out my hair
And to my bottomless death
Where I live my true life
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141,613 Literary Works • 675,162 Reviews
Heey, I'm Demoness and here comes my opinion on this piece! ( I promise not to comment on the punctuation! )
Soo, because I can't comment on the punctuation I haven't much helpful advice to come with because without that I've only got good things to say! I love the imagery, the short lines are great, the stanzas were great, the rythm and flow was amazing even without the thing-that-cannot-be-commented so.. GOOD WORK
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Hugs and Hearts from Demoness
This sounds a little like something that Bella would say/write/think when Edward left her in New Moon.....just saying. It has its similarities.
Besides that, it's a pretty good poem:D Dramatic love like that is interesting to the reader. Well, most anyways:D
Keep up the good work! ~C.C.
Well that was depressing, but I loved it nonetheless. There was a huge twist in the beginning. At first, I thought this was going to be a love poem, then I later caught on that it was a poem about a suicide.
This line I really liked:
I hold the blade steady
Close I am
Drive it home
And welcome the scorching pain
The short, choppy lines make me think of a fast beating heart which I'd imagine someone having right before killing themselves.
Overall, it's an amazing poem.
I really liked this! Even though you had no punctuation, your poem was still easy to follow and flowed well... which sometimes doesn't happen. My favorite parts were:
and also . It is sort of a twist, you know? I love the way you worded this poem; it flowed wonderfully and had good word choices. Great job!Beautiful poem. I don't use puntuation in my poetry either so I know where you're coming from. Poetry is a form of art and it doesn't have the same rules as writing:)
I love the emotion in this and the entire thing was just extremely well written. I especially like the line:
It made me think about how her soul is everything and her body is nothing so she's willing to die. It's so beautiful and it gives me a lot to think about.
The only negative thing I could say would be the first line:
The second part didn't really go with the flow of the rest of the poem and I found it kind of unnessecary. You stated that a little too plainy and that's not the way poetry is supposed to be stated. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this very well, but just know you may want to take a look at that line.
Good job! I rarely like poetry as much as I liked yours:)