My 'Nicole Narratives' are completely true short stories that I write about my experiences with the woman who has inspired me for the last few years. I hope that you all enjoy them!
Back to Reality
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey Navita,
I'm not very experienced with writing short stories, so thanks for the suggestions. Now that I re-read and think about the ending, I have to completely agree with you. It seems like more like the end of a chapter rather then the end of a story. Thanks again!
This story - may I call it that? a recount is a better word, I think - is told very entertainingly indeed. I was hooked when I started to read it, wondering what on earth it could be about; and you maintain this flow quite well throughout the course of the recount.
However, as a short-story writer, I would have to say that the 'It was all a dream' ending was incredibly unsatisfying, almost leaving me feeling cheated of an actual ending. Structurally, the crafting was leading me to believe that something else was happening entirely - she was fainting, catching a fever, startstruck, literally.
But I can see that you are trying to recount a vivid dream here, so I respect that you want to keep it as true to the facts as possible.
However, I would still recommend changing the ending, so that you finish off when she is 'getting farther and farther away.' (It should read 'further' - but I'm not too nit-picky about little errors). Instead, tell us it's a dream from the outset, and in a way so as to make it interesting, and so as to save us from feeling cheated by the ending.
Here is a little suggestion - some opening lines like: 'So, they say the dead sleep forever. Like a corpse. Like Sleeping Beauty. But...she woke up. Eventually. What's to say she wanted to wake up? I mean - she must have dreamed, right? And what if her dream was better than what she woke up to? We can't all wake up to a prince's kiss. And I, well, that's certainly not what I woke up to.'
Sorry - I only just read the very, very first line on this post in italics - I hope they ALL don't end in 'It was all a dream.' If they do...just, think about it.