Published November 11, 2008
Hi after my last slip-up I guess this is the best I can do....
The day was young and so were we,
Eating by the water.
She loved me and I loved her back.
We planned to have a daughter.
But one day she told me,
My love, my fairest true.
I look upon this river,
And it dose remind me of you.
Because our love is like a river,
Flowing very fast.
But that won't be a problem you see,
For our love is built to last.
And I look upon this river,
It's an omen,
Can't you see?
For I love you fairest.
Won't you please marry me?
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141,264 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Hey hey Paul! It's Corie!!
Ha-ha!
capitalize the i
capitalize the i again
take out the 'please will you' and add 'please' at the end
GREAT POEM! I liked that whole analogy of our love is like a river. Short and sweet to the point nicely done. Could use some editing but what poem couldnt? keep it up I'd like to read more