Published October 22, 2008
When I die, show no pity
I’m headed to the star-lit city
To join the other dreamers up in
The cool black of eternal night
When I’m gone, please don’t mourn
I’ll return again, to be born
Back upon the earth, continuing the
Never-ending cycle
For the circle does not end at death
But until then, I’ll keep watch over you
Until you too join me in the sky
Call me a guardian angel
I’ll be always in your heart
Feel the sun’s warming rays on your skin
Or the sweet kiss of a breeze on your lips
That’ll be me making sure you know
That I’m not really gone from your side
Close your eyes and dream
That’s really the only way you’ll be able to soar
With me up in my star-lit city in the sky
Until the day you can be there forever
When I die, show no pity
I’m headed to the star-lit city
To join the other dreamers up in
The cool black of eternal night
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,470 Literary Works • 674,492 Reviews
O_O
i reaaaaally liked it!!!
what was the inspiration for?!
em...it has a problem with rhyming so it's a little bit difficult to read it ><''
seriously, what was the insoiration from???
wish you a nice week
the star-lit city part is a great image, and i like the general concept, just one thing. I thought you could probably change the "continuing the
Never-ending cycle
For the circle does not end at death"
Probably being nitpicky but it seemed a little cliche?
the idea is good, but maybe finding a different way to phrase it...
anyways i liked. =D
Nice one! However, I must say that it has a bit problems with rhyme at the end of each part. Was it written that way in purpose? Because the lack of rhyme also makes the reader to lose rhythm, and it makes a bit harder for the reader to understand what the poem about. In other words, in my opinion it's quite interesting, I love the idea, especially when it's kind of on one hand sad, on the other encouraging, but it's hard to read it because of the lack of flow.
Looking forward for your further works!
Aust.