z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Deciding to Die

by guineapiggirl


Dying, Agatte the Aggressive mused, twirling her axe between her fingers, is a difficult act to time.

On the one hand, it would be eternally disappointing to join the Feast of the Fallen Warriors only to discover that, had she waited a few more days, months or years, she could have died single-handedly facing an entire army of invading gremlins, or on a perilous quest to rid the Kingdom of some cursed pestilence.

This brought to mind one of Agatte's late friends, Bjeorvic the Brawny, who had died heroically, saving his one true love from a vicious bear with two heads- or had it been his two true loves from just the one bear? Agatte couldn't remember, and nor could anyone else. The details of Bjeorvic's death had been forgotten when, a week later, a whole pack of the bear-beasts came down from the mountain and decimated the valley he had once protected. Almost all of the valley-dwellers were killed. They had been abandoned by their hero and every act of bravery that Bjeorvic had committed during life was overshadowed in the minds of the survivors by his untimely death. Although Bjeorvic survived still in living memory, he had already been forgotten by the bards and minstrels.

Agatte was terrified of being forgotten.

However, greater still than that fear was another, one that had almost come to pass for Agatte's childhood hero, Dakrot the Deadly. He was named deadly for a reason: whoever the foe, however great their strength and powers, after a fight with Dakrot he would be unscathed, and they would be dead.

Invincible and proud of it, Dakrot the Deadly left it too long. He outlived every other hero of his generation; many of them died by his hands. With no worthy opponents left, he faced the terrifying prospect of dying of old age and sickness, in comfort and surrounded by loved ones. Desperate to avoid this fate, he settled for being killed in an epic battle... with the warthog who was devouring the local farmers' crops. The songs were almost mocking, making less of his arch-nemesis than of his arthritis.

Agatte shuddered at the thought of his gory, glory-less end, and her resolve strengthened. One couldn't live forever, and if death didn't come today it would come soon enough, or else to her deathbed. She looked down from her perch in the cliffs at the children she would die for. They were a pathetic lot, sickly and malnourished from months of their family flocks being sent down as appeasement. It hadn’t worked. Now the parents had done the unthinkable: tied their children to stakes and left them as a sacrifice; one last desperate attempt to sate an insatiable greed and save themselves.

For slithering towards them was a dragon.

Agatte could see its fire-glands expanding in its throat; any second now, fire would stream out of its jaws and burn the children until they were nothing but char for it to eat. She knew that if she acted now, strung her bow and aimed and fired a decent shot within the next few moments, she could take out the fire-glands. Then the fire would drain out of the dragon along with its life. She would live, the children would live. But where was the fun (where was the glory) in that?

Shooting an opponent to kill as one hid in the shadows was hardly honourable. Agatte pictured the fight as it should play out: just as the dragon opened its jaws, she would run out from behind the boulder, wielding her axe and screaming some fitting last battle cry. The dragon would turn, furious and confused. For a second, it would stand before her, its jaws open and its throat perfectly vulnerable. Then it would shoot its flames just as she threw her axe and the weapons would fly through the air, arcing with perfect symmetry, before each hit its target and sent them to the ground. She would be a pile of ashes; it would be a heap of blood and scales; a whole generation of heroes would be inspired.

The dragon's lungs swelled. With one last swing of her axe, Agatte leapt to her feet.

"Tonight, wyrm, I shall feast upon you in the company of the heroes and the gods!"


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Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:56 pm
Iggy wrote a review...



Okay so hi! I'm a sucked for short stories so here I am. :)

Alright so I was a bit disappointed with the ending?? Agatte chooses to die honorably instead of just shooting the damn arrow and saving both herself and the children? What is it with honor and medieval times back then? Why must everyone have to die honorably? *grumbles*

But I digress. Even if it wasn't I expected, it was still a good ending! I love the way this was narrated, with Agatte telling us why she was afraid of dying forgotten. I can see why she chose to go out this way, so people will remember her as a hero who took the dragon on head first instead of someone who hid in the bushes and shot a measly arrow, but still. That's no way to go out. =-=

Overall, this was really good! I enjoyed it very much. It was beautifully written with awesome imagery and descriptive details and nicely narrated. Loved it!

Hope that helps.

~Iggy




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:40 pm
RoyalHighness wrote a review...



RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
This is awesome. I can totally relate to Agatte's fear of being forgotten. I love the psychology behind dying with honor; you explained it really well without exactly /telling/ us anything.
I love how you highlighted the difference between the way a battle "should," be fought, and the way a battle can be /won/.
I'm not a huge Viking expert, but I'm pretty sure you captured that essence pretty well, through the names and the warrior culture and such.
The description of the battle is really detailed, and I could totally see it all play out in my head.
The only thing I'd suggest is some more description of Agatte herself. Maybe not physical descriptions, but maybe give us a few more examples of her character beneath the warrior? It's just a thought.
Overall, I really liked this! I'll give it nine stars of ten; I really want to see where this goes!




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:22 pm
ulala8 wrote a review...



Hello~ To start off, I liked your story a lot. It was rather charming and I enjoyed the viking feel. It was rather grim, but also rather enchanting to read. I love the feeling that was woven into this piece.

I have a few punctuation errors though.

Dying, Agatte the Aggressive mused, twirling her axe between her fingers, is a difficult act to time.

It should be: Dying- Agatte the Aggressive mused, twirling her axe between her fingers- is a difficult act to time.

This is because it's diverging from the train of thought. Commas could be used, but the appositive is complex, so hyphens are recommended.


Agatte could see its fire-glands expanding in its throat; any second now, fire would stream out of its jaws and burn the children until they were nothing but char for it to eat.

The "en-dash" should be an "em-dash".

Agatte could see its fire--glands expanding in its throat; any second now, fire would stream out of its jaws and burn the children until they were nothing but char for it to eat.

That's all~ I'm sorry that this took so long~




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Thu Apr 03, 2014 12:59 am
laughurheartoutbaby wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this story. It seemed a mix of Lord of the Rings and Narnia, even if that wasn't what you were going for. The ancient viking vibe is also extremely appealing. I loved how you took what would normally just be a string of thoughts in ones head and then transformed it into this captivating piece of work. You so clearly demonstrated the pros and cons of dying at that moment. It benefited greatly from the fact that you added Bjeorvic the Brawny and Dakrot the Deadly to help with her decisions. Adding background knowledge is a great way to draw in your readers. You also very concisely represent the one thing that this character is so evidently all about: honor and being remembered. She thirsts for being praised and known as a valiant and honorable warrior.

The only thing that I have to say, is that your sentences became a bit choppy near the end. If you just made them a bit longer, then you could have drawn everyone in even more.

Other than that, this was an amazing piece of work. I would love to hear what was going on before this. Don't stop writing!




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Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:29 am
Bol wrote a review...



First off, great story. Love it, really.
The description Bjeorvic and Dakrot were really striking to me, how sad and mournful it seemed at times and also how their efforts were useless and they wouldn't be remembered as the great ones they were, but only as what they were in the end.
I was raised off these kind of stories, about honour and glory and was taught that the greatest gift I could leave to my children was the memory of the great man their father was, so perhaps that's why I love this story so much, because it's so close to my heart.
And you finished off the story with a very nice touch, not telling the conclusion of the battle and whether she'd be remembered for winning or forgotten for losing. It leaves the rest of the story for the reader to imagine.
I can't find much errors not listed before me, so great job on that.
Keep writing.




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Wed Mar 26, 2014 3:41 am
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Myrrh wrote a review...



Hi, guinea pig.

I clicked on this story based on the description, thinking that this would be a funny read. Let me just say that it absolutely is, and that it is very well-written, too! I love fantasy and mythical creatures and this was such a cleverly written story that I can't help but gush. The descriptions of Agatte's fallen heroes were wonderfully sad and funny and I love Agatte's resolve to die an honorable and epic death. You should definitely continue writing this kind of dark humor - you're very good at it.
If you had to work on something I would simply say that you write more. I've gathered that this is for some kind of contest with a word limit (unfortunate!), but your writing flows so well that I feel you could easily expound on a story like this. Your level of description is that sweet-spot between too much and too little, though there are a few instances in which your sentence structure gets a bit choppy:

. . . fired a decent shot within the next few moments, she could take out the fire-glands. Then the fire would drain out of the dragon along with its life.

The second sentence here is out of place with the rest of your text and is a little jarring. Maybe a reword: "The fire would then drain out of the dragon along with its life." Still not a fantastically-worded sentence, but just a few switched words can change the flow of a sentence.

I personally have no need to give any criticism here. This was very charming!






Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. That's really encouraging. I'll work on that sentence, and I feel like I might expand it into something after the comp. (I had this whole subplot planned with her fiancee and stuff!) :)



Myrrh says...


That sounds fantastic! I would love to read more of this. Keep writing!





I'll let you know if I do buff it out, or if I upload anything else :)



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Tue Mar 25, 2014 10:37 pm
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lostthought wrote a review...



I'm requested as well (I was procrastinating on the subject for I was at school).

Technically, you never see her die. It just says theoretically what is going to happen. But you have to admit, that is a bad ass way to die.

. Then it would shoot its flames just as she threw her axe and the weapons would fly through the air, arcing with perfect symmetry, before each hit its target and sent them to the ground. She would be a pile of ashes; it would be a heap of blood and scales; a whole generation of heroes would be inspired.


See, that's how everyone should die. Saving a bunch of sickly children from a fire breathing Dragon. Talk about something to talk about. A perfect Viking death (assuming this is Vikings). No luxury, no ties to family.

I had nothing to nitpick. You should definitely give this to the contest people.

Keep writing,

-lost






Thanks so much! Thank you! That's really encouraging. They're actually dwarves, in my mind, in a sort of fantasy world, but they're basically Vikings, so yeah :D And I was a wee bit proud of her death...



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Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:19 pm
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eldEr wrote a review...



Hey there! Isha here to review as requested :)

I must say, the idea for this story was pretty excellent. The writing was good, and the character's thoughts on death and honour were interesting (and accurate to the times- nobody wanted to die in comfort. What shame!). This review will probably be a bit on the short side, because I enjoyed it a little too much to pick much apart.

One thing that I want to mention is that in areas, the story itself is a little sludgy. Not bad, just a little untidy and difficult to wrap your head around (or else I'm just more tired than I realize). Mostly, it's where your main character is recalling the stories of fallen warriors, and I think that the biggest problem is the transition from her present to her recollection. Honestly, all it'd take is reading it over and playing around with the way you structured it. And you don't need to do that for the story to be good- it'd just make it better if you tidied it up a little ;)

Wow I really hope that made sense.

Secondly, the ending. You never actually see her killing the dragon, or dying, or getting what she wants (or being thoroughly disappointed by the afterlife. Whichever). It seemed a little rushed and a tad on the anti-climatic side. I'd suggest, maybe, adding a little bit to it. Either that or make it an even more suspenseful place to end the story!

I did like the historical elements, though. It was kind of like reading a (very short) modernized summary of an epic. Or a portion of an epic, I suppose would make more sense.

Good job and keep writing,
~Ish






Thank you for the review! I've got a word limit with only another 28 words to go for the comp. I want to enter it into, so I don't think I can expand it much. I felt at times that the transitions between the paragraphs were a little confused... I might add another sentence to just before the ending (I've just noticed I left one of my spare bits on the end; it's meant to end with her saying about eating the wyrm in the company of the gods and heroes!|)




“Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number. Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you— Ye are many—they are few.”
— Mary Shelly